It finally happened.
I turned 25. The big TWO FIVE! Oh my...that's a quarter of a century! Oy.
I have said before that age is just a number, but I'm beginning to feel old. I've also said you are as old as how you feel. Though I do feel energetic, like a newborn baby who's learning to crawl and walk, I still feel like I've lived my life. I've gone through 3 open heart surgeries, a gall bladder surgery, deaths of friends and family, battled depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, discrimination for being gay and deaf, such the likes. I feel like I have accomplished a lot of things. What more do I need to accomplish?
Discussing this with Grama (my mother's mother), she told me that I haven't succeeded in my academics yet. Sure, I haven't finished school, but completing all these personal tasks seem to be even more important than bringing home good grades on a paper. I feel like my life will be complete, especially after next week when my dream of visiting New York City will come true.
However, I still feel like I haven't accomplished some things...and it's still more important than academics. I'm still single. And being gay, it becomes harder when you get older. Older men are into younger men, and younger men are into even younger men. I fear that I will live the life of a bachelor, or even a monk without any affection. I still tell myself that he is out there, looking for me, and that I shouldn't dwell on it for it only happens when you least expect it. Who knows? Perhaps I'll find him in New York!
In other accomplishments, I still feel like I haven't experienced anything. I still live with my parents, and I feel like I'm being secluded from experiencing things. My parents are worry-warts, and I don't blame them. How could they just not worry about a child who had 3 open heart surgery, is gay and deaf? It's utterly impossible for them not to smother me. But I feel like I'm being suppressed, and that I need to break free to feel like I can live my life. Which is why I insist on going to Texas by myself. Even when I go to NYC with my friend, there will be times when he will be at a conference for his job, and I will be on my own. I will wander through Times Square by myself, and I will probably end up going to a museum or possibly seeing the creatures of the Central Park Zoo. To have an adventure thrills me, whether I'm alone or with a group.
But I think being 25, and having lack of experience is something that is getting me down. I think I found my new year's resolution: to get out, and experience life! Try new things, visit places I'd never thought to visit, explore new lifestyles and dream new dreams.