These Are the Thoughts...

It finally happened.

I turned 25. The big TWO FIVE! Oh my...that's a quarter of a century! Oy.

I have said before that age is just a number, but I'm beginning to feel old. I've also said you are as old as how you feel. Though I do feel energetic, like a newborn baby who's learning to crawl and walk, I still feel like I've lived my life. I've gone through 3 open heart surgeries, a gall bladder surgery, deaths of friends and family, battled depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, discrimination for being gay and deaf, such the likes. I feel like I have accomplished a lot of things. What more do I need to accomplish?

Discussing this with Grama (my mother's mother), she told me that I haven't succeeded in my academics yet. Sure, I haven't finished school, but completing all these personal tasks seem to be even more important than bringing home good grades on a paper. I feel like my life will be complete, especially after next week when my dream of visiting New York City will come true.

However, I still feel like I haven't accomplished some things...and it's still more important than academics. I'm still single. And being gay, it becomes harder when you get older. Older men are into younger men, and younger men are into even younger men. I fear that I will live the life of a bachelor, or even a monk without any affection. I still tell myself that he is out there, looking for me, and that I shouldn't dwell on it for it only happens when you least expect it. Who knows? Perhaps I'll find him in New York!

In other accomplishments, I still feel like I haven't experienced anything. I still live with my parents, and I feel like I'm being secluded from experiencing things. My parents are worry-warts, and I don't blame them. How could they just not worry about a child who had 3 open heart surgery, is gay and deaf? It's utterly impossible for them not to smother me. But I feel like I'm being suppressed, and that I need to break free to feel like I can live my life. Which is why I insist on going to Texas by myself. Even when I go to NYC with my friend, there will be times when he will be at a conference for his job, and I will be on my own. I will wander through Times Square by myself, and I will probably end up going to a museum or possibly seeing the creatures of the Central Park Zoo. To have an adventure thrills me, whether I'm alone or with a group.

But I think being 25, and having lack of experience is something that is getting me down. I think I found my new year's resolution: to get out, and experience life! Try new things, visit places I'd never thought to visit, explore new lifestyles and dream new dreams.

It has been quite a while since I last wrote. In the meantime, I have learned lessons, overcome obstacles, and changed for the better.

As told in my last post, I fell deep into the web of being someone I'm not in order to woo that one person. His name was Mike. He was Deaf who lived not too far from my area. Looking back, I can now see why I did such a thing. It is hard for me to meet someone like me - someone who has little or no hearing, and is a part of the Deaf/Hard of Hearing culture. With all my luck with hearing men, I subconsciously thought that he would be the only one left, my only hope, to be someone I would spend the rest of my life with.

As I got to know him, the more I liked him. He was certainly not the type of gay men I've dated. He was wild. He had parties, he was involved with a lot of people, and he always had me on edge with his spontaneous actions. It was like feeding gasoline to a fire. All my life, I had always been the quiet one, the shy one, the small one. Having Mike with me unleashed the wilderness I had in store with me. However, with all this pretending to be someone I'm not, I had to pretend for other people as well (ie his friends, new friends I have made, and such the likes). But as Thanksgiving rolled along, I realized that this entire charade was pointless. Mike and I were not going anywhere. Most of our romantic indulges were influenced with booze and animal sex. There were no emotions involved. We often fought. I realized that this was a mistake. This Mike was not the kind of Mike I should have gotten involved with. In some ways, I do regret doing all of these, but in other perspectives, I'm glad. I woke up with a new "self." I am still the loveable, Broadway-obsessed Joey, but I have matured. I have learned to be myself and not to be afraid of showing my true self to others. If they don't like me, then it is their problem, not mine.

In part of growing up, I realized that I am not 100% happy with my life. I am depressed almost all the time. The only time I am truly happy is when I am at work. Though most customers anger and annoy me, it is the friends that I spend time with at Home Depot. I have such fun with them. We laugh, play, and joke around a lot. We make fun of each other, and we just let life go and have fun. But once I clock out, I become depressed again and I continue to be depressed unless I am out with them or my other Deaf friends. So here is the problem: it is my parents. Though I love them very much, they suffocate me. They overprotect me, and I feel that I've had enough. In November, I had an epiphany. I knew what I had to do to make myself happy: MOVE.

I spoke with five of my Deaf friends in Arlington, Texas, as well as gay friends in Dallas, Texas (which is only 20 minutes away from Arlington). I have come to the terms of moving there by August. The apartments there are a lot cheaper than that of Brevard's. They have apartments ranging from $450-$650 in Arlington. In Brevard County, apartments range from $600-$800! Did I mention that these are one-bedroom apartments? Doing the math, I've learned that it is actually a LOT cheaper to get a 2 bedroom apartment and live with a friend. But no other friend is moving to Arlington, so I am stuck with myself. In April, I will pack up a week-worth of clothes and drive out there by myself. I will stay with two of my Deaf friends. There, we will drive around the city so I can get an idea of what it would be like to live there, and to look at apartments and jobs. I could transfer to another store there. The problem is, though, I am not certain if I can work full time if I do so. I will have to wait and see.

But these plans are all unfolding right now. Though I am scared, I feel this is a better opportunity than staying in Brevard and waiting for something to happen. People actually had to get out of Brevard to make things happen. So I feel I should do the same. Besides, I am turning 25 in less than a week. It is time for me to get up and make things happen for myself.

I know I've said this before.

And I'll say it again. And again. And again.

And every time I'll say it, I'll pretend I actually mean it.
But I don't.
But I can't....

Why can't the heart of one just build a barb-wired wall around its surface? Why does it have to be punctured by Cupid's aarow just to get it penetrated and bleed? Couldn't it somehow form a shutter of some kind, a shield? Or perhaps have some super power that turn it into stone instead of fragile glass? At least it'd be harder to shatter into pieces.

I really do not want to develop this. Then again, I really do not want to cringe at this feeling I have towards this person. He is such a sweet guy. We have so much stuff in common, so much stuff about our past that are similar, and we tend to get along great. So what's the problem?

Me. That's the problem.

I'm clingy. I'm naive. I'm romantic.

None of that should exist in this modern day world! No sirree! It is all about physical attraction and legal rights. Who gives a shit about the emotions that are tied & bound into all this contraption!

So what do I do? How do I terminate this feeling I have for him? How do I develop some kind of emotional response to him that doesn't involve butterflies in my tummy all day or constant day dreams? How do I get to him without getting so attached?

I don't know the answer. If anyone has suggestions, great!

I fear that I'm going to live my whole life like this....

I hadn't realized it's been quite a while since I've updated.

There really isn't much to tell. I am enjoying my paid vacation, but with my family gone and friends being so busy with school and work, I haven't had much time other than being by myself. It gets lonely, and kind of boring, but at least I get paid to do that.

In other news, I befriended with two more deaf people. It's always nice to meet someone who speaks my language and actually understands my backgrounds. We got along great, so we are definitely going to hang out again tomorrow. I can't wait!

Yesterday I bought "Sex and the City" on DVD. The movie was quite entertaining, just like the show itself when it was on air. I love Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw. She is such a perfect person for that role, and she plays it so well. However, I just think she needs to do less Carrie when she is in other movies and shows. Anyhow...

I've done a lot of cooking. I've made: 2 cakes (1 marble, 1 lemon bundt), two different pasta dishes, pizza rolls, a form of casserole that I forgot the name of, and some muffins for the morning. I don't know why, but when I am alone in the house, I cook like a madman.

No word on Michael the Loser. Ever since he gave me the "I'd rather be friends" speech two weeks ago, I haven't heard from him at all, period. It's horrible. I keep thinking about him. I need to stop doing that....

Anyhoo, it is getting close to quitting time on this computer. So I must bid you farewell, my dears!

I'm drenched with fear.

Fear of being alone, that is.

With a new love life developing, I fear it will last. I fear it won't. I fear the unknown. I don't like this feeling - the obsession of knowing if he is thinking of me of if he isn't. I know I can't stop thinking about him, so I must like him. A lot. It's been a while since I've felt this way, anyway.

But how do I know what he's feeling? Only sweet thing he's ever said to me was he's been thinking about me a lot. But that was 3 days ago. He only talks to me when I talk to him. He never starts the conversation. He doesn't even say "hello." Which is why today, I didn't text him at all. Tomorrow, I won't either. I won't talk to him until he talks to me.

IN addition, we have the distance. He lives 3 hours away. Granted, I would do anything to make this work. God knows, that's how much I like him. I want to see where this goes. I think he may be the one. Now, I'm not saying I want to rush things. I'm just saying he MIGHT be. You just never know until you try. Like the great Jonathan Larson says, "Forget regret or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way, no day but today."

If he doesn't respond in a week or so, then I will confront him calmly. So we'll see in a week.

Of course, it's not just the relationships. It's friendships.

A dear friend of mine is getting married...to someone in London. While I live in the States, I know I will miss her if she decides to move. Another friend is considering of taking a job opportunity in Houston, Texas. It's almost halfway across the country from where I live. To add the cream of the crop, THREE more of my friends are moving to start a new career.

Now, I love them all. I really do want them to do this. They deserve it. But I'm just plagued with the idea of having no one here to talk to, no one here to han gout with, no one here to cry, laugh, and sing with. I'm just going to feel lost. And I hate that feeling...

*sighs*

*NOTE: I know this video isn't as synced as it should, but it's the only one with actually good quality in both visual & audio...

This is the best scene for any movie ever...the song was a perfect choice, and the way they ended the scene! *sighs*

And all of sudden, I feel like I am on cloud nine.

Being with Michael in the last 6 hours has been so far the happiest moments of my life. We talked, cuddled, and goofed around (non-sexually, mind you). He is such an amazing person, and when we said our goodbyes, we hugged each other as if it was our last hug. We didn't want to let go. We didn't want to say goodbyes, and we promised each other that even though he does live almost 4 hours away, we will always try to find a way to work things out. I am hoping that in the next few weeks to come, I am able to spend as much time with him as I can. I know for sure that I will definitely see him while I'm on vacation from work. Perhaps I could rent a room there if money allows it.

But right now, my feeling is high. I cannot stop smiling. I feel stupid, actually, and I feel like a fool. But all of these feelings are feelings that I have not felt in a long, long time, and I am enjoying the fleeting moments. Perhaps he is the one, maybe not, who knows? But I know this: right now, he is all I care for. Everyone else comes in second, no offense!

Anyway, I must be off to bed. Hopefully I can sleep with all this ridiculous lovey-dovey plights plaug-ing my mind.

It is 4:12AM.

Laying on my tummy, I clutch tightly to my pillow, giggling. This giggle has got a hold of me really good. I cannot stop this uplifting madness. It is a natural high, and I cannot get back down to earth. My body and soul feels like it is soaring at 100mph and I love it.

I roll over to the side, in fetal position, hoping that it will end.

It didn't.

My god, man! Get a grip! It is only a night that went really well! Too well, as a matter of fact!

Seeing Michael was probably the highlight of my week. Fuck, it may have been the highlight of the month! No, maybe even the year!

I can't get his smile out of my head. How can this be? I had only met him once, just this once. We talk constantly with our text messages. And everytime I feel my phone vibrate in my pants, I glow. My co-workers stare at me, knowing that I am up to something.

But Michael. He is beautiful. His dirty blonde hair...and his smile. It is adorable when he smiles. His gorgeous eyes squints when he smiles. There is something about him. I just know it. I just can't put my finger on it. But there is something about him that makes me all tingly inside.

The replay of the meeting won't stop playing. It is like having iTunes stuck on your most favorite happy song on repeat and you cannot do anything to stop it. I cannot stop smiling when I think of his jokes. I cannot stop giggling when I think of how warm and soft his skin felt when he nudged me. I cannot stop seeing his hypnotizing flirtatious eyes staring into mine. Those amber green swirls that cast spells. What a great witchery if you ask me!

But dammit. I cannot sleep. I cannot turn this smile upside down.

Fuck it. I'll giggle all night if I have to!

I am not writing this as a Democrat. I am not writing this as a Republican. Nor am I writing this as a white person, or a hard of hearing person. I am writing this as an AMERICAN.

I know we all have our differences. I know we agree on one thing, and disagree on the other. But that is not what this is about. What this is about is the opportunities we have as an American. This country has been established to offer land of the free, where opportunities are made for everyone if they put their minds to it, and where anything can happen.

And tonight, it did.

I just witnessed a whole year of major historical events. In the entire two-hundred and thirty-two years, this great nation of ours has witnessed so many obstacles beaten and the roads less traveled.

Hillary Rodham Clinton has come a long way, from receiving the title as the First Lady of the United States of America. After her husband ended his 8 years of presidency, she went on to become a Senator of New York. There, she worked hard to build her strength to become the first female candidate to debate for presidency.

In addition, we saw an African-American rise from the senator's seats to become the first African-American to win the nomination of being a candidate for President of the United States of America. And let's not forget the fact that the first female candidate gave her votes to him. She gave up her dreams of being the first female president to allow the first African-American to be president. What an amazing motion!

This is why I love this country. No matter who we are, what our skin color is, what ethnicity we belong to, we all have the opportunity to be who we want to be if we work at it.

I am so proud of all the great outcomes we have seen in this year's presidential campaigns. And I urge you, friends & family, as AMERICANS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, to let this sink in. I want each and every one of you to stop and think about this.

If it wasn't for the women who took a step forward to fight against the power of men for equality, your mothers, sisters, friends, daughters, granddaughters would never get to witness Hillary take a stride. If it wasn't for Martin Luther King Jr. (who actually spoke on the exact same day that Barack Obama gave his acceptance speech) expressing his dream on that beautiful day at the Lincoln Memorial, or for those who have fought for freedom from slavery, African-Americans would never get the chance to see Barack Obama accept his nomination.

This is what America is about. This is what our country is here for - to give us everything we want while working hard for it. It doesn't matter if you are a Republican, Democrat, black, white, gay, straight, Muslim, Christian. What matters is YOU and YOURSELF. Hillary worked hard as the First Lady, and Barack worked hard as a Senator. But they did not JUST get there. They got there with decades of hard work, years of education, and years of putting all of their mighty efforts into themselves.

And that is why I'm proud to be an American.

With them, I know that I can do anything I want if I put myself into it. I know I can go far with my dreams if I want it bad enough.

And I encourage you to do the same.

May this country always be blessed with its people and their drive to achieve their dreams!

What an amazing night!

The Democratic party has finally and officially nominated Senator Barack Obama to be the party's candidate running for President of the United States of America! For the first time ever, in the 232 years ever since this country began, an African-American has been nominated to run for President.

I cannot describe how deeply honored I am to see this historical event happening. It is such an overwhelming and emotional ride. The last three nights have put tears in my eyes as I listen to Michelle Obama, Senator Hillary Clinton, and Joe Biden speak in the Obama's honor. Though Clinton's & Biden's speeches were mostly what Obama stands for, it was his wife's speech who won the heart of mine.

Her speech described her life as an American, as a child in the US, and as a devoted wife & mother for her family. She described the whole reason to vote for Obama, which pretty much sums up to having equality for all of us here in the US, to be able to achieve the American dream while still having the love of family to warm us and keep us driven. I urge everyone (even those who aren't Americans) to read her speech. It is so moving, so humanistic, so heart-warming. I was in tears only half-way through the speech and by the time she finished, I was bawling my eyes out. What an amazing speech that was!

So now the real work begins. My life from now on will be total chaos as I volunteered to work for Obama's local campaign office. I will be urging young Americans to register to vote, helping them decide their choice to elect (hopefully Obama, but if necessary, McCain), and to keep America open-minded about having a black President. So many people waste so much of their time with rumors, lies, and other so-called truths about Obama that they steer to McCain. Sometimes we get them back, sometimes we don't.

But overall, what an AMAZING week this has been for the Democrats! I cannot wait until tomorrow to watch the Senator accept his speech!

It isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I joined Florida for Change a couple weeks ago. It is a campaign for Barack Obama to run as the new President of the United States of America. I am very enthusiastic to have Obama and Biden in office, and I thought I was willing to do anything to make sure it happens.

But now...I can see how this is such a pain in the ass, and I don't even get paid for it. I'm wondering if it is worth my time anymore. It would be very nice to see a change in America (not only because Obama is black but because the fact that the Bush Administration would end once and for all), but I am getting to the point where I am about to scream my head off. Today I went to the beaches to gather new people to register to vote. In four hours of getting sunburnt, salt in my eyes, skin, and mouth, I only got 2 people to register to vote. Yesterday I did the same, only it was at the mall, and only 1 person registered to vote. And tomorrow, I have to be at the office at 9AM in the morning to do some data entry and then head to work at 2PM. I haven't even had any chances of getting my homework done, and I need to do that because if I don't I'll get behind and I'll lose hope in finishing a fucking community college.

All this burden of trying to get 2 people into the White House is not as easy, and the more I work on it, the more I lose the drive to do it. I just don't know what to do. I made a commitment by joining and now I feel like I had made a mistake. And I feel bad, because these people are really nice people and they really want Obama to win. I do too, but I do have a life of my own to live and I need to have fun.

What should I do??? I suppose I could just tell them that it was taking up too much of my school time, and that I really needed to focus in school and work so I can pay my bills while still getting good grades. But that would make me seem like I don't have the desire of getting Obama in office....and that is making me feel like a bad person.

Maybe I should just explain to Sean and Becky how overwhelmed I feel and perhaps should only limit myself to either getting people to vote or data entry only instead of doing both. I'll have to wait and see how tomorrow goes. Maybe data entry isn't as bad as it sounds. And besides, I'm good with computers...

But I should definitely cut myself some slack and really focus on what is more important in my life...

I have never been fond of public bathrooms. It scares me to even think about it. Whenever I really have to, and I mean REALLY have to, I'll use it. And I use the stalls, not the urinals. Having my privates out in the open for other men to see is quite a bit far fetched. It isn't my ego or my self-conscious. It's my opinion of keeping things to yourself and how things should be more privates. Unfortunately, today, this was an exception.

I got called in early. The store was running with customers hurrying to buy things they need to repair their homes after the last storm hit. To add the whip cream with a cherry to the top of the sundae, we were shorthanded. So not only was it busy, but it was really stressful. And when I get stressful, I need to potty. I'm not sure if this is a healthy condition or if it is an absurd condition, but either way, I had to pee.

The clock came around for me to go on my half hour lunch. Rather than peeing first, I decided to hold it in and eat first. After getting full, I went to the bathroom.

I entered the stall, and did my business. I walked out of the stall when I heard the oily door hinges squeak. In came a young, pudgy fellow. He must have been around my age, with a stubble on his cheek. He wasn't so bad looking, but I knew he was definitely not my type. I ignored him and put my hands under the sink to wash them. I looked in the mirror to notice any food crumbs stuck in my teeth or around my lips. That's when I saw him again. The pudgy fellow. He stood next to me. Then he unzipped his pants and whipped out his penis.

I was in a state of shock. This was random. Definitely not my typical trip to a public restroom! I'm usually in and then out. Never have I even glanced against one's privates. As I said earlier, it should be more private than anything! But no...he stood there, holding it. I blinked. What was this idiot doing!? I looked at him. He didn't smile or frown. He looked quite bored, actually. Was this actually turning him on? Was this some kind of fetish that he has had? What the hell was going on? I didn't know what to do or think!

I turned around, grabbed a paper towel and walked out. Drying my hands with the paper towels, I began to chuckle. Though he did have a nice willy, large & clean, he was still extremely unattractive to flash me.

What a wonderful bathroom trip that turned out to be...not!

This storm I am in the middle of sucks. Not only was I wrong about the projected paths, but I was also wrong about the fact that it formed an eye over land instead of water. In addition, yesterday it hovered over Brevard County for over 24 hours, gaining strength to flood many parts of the community I live in. My backyard was flooded by nightfall yesterday, but the waters receded this morning, thankfully. The sewers on my street are flooded as well, and water continue to pour out of the lids.

Many of my friends & co-workers are trapped and cannot get out. One is actually stuck in his apartment building because the water rose up into the complex. My boss's car is underwater, my neighbor's pool flooded into their kitchen, and my fence is about to fall over.

ALSO...

Yesterday morning, at 5:15AM, I was driving to work (yes, WORK CALLED AND TOLD ME TO COME IN) and my car skidded into the other lane as I fought against winds. When I got to the parking lot, an alligator was sitting in front of the store, ready to eat me. The animal control came to move it back into the river. On the way back home, a palm frond hit my car and I had to go under 2 lights that were hanging on for dear life. In addition, we have a hole in our roof, and the rain is leaking into the wall and out of the wall base and the carpet is soaking it up. Great. Another year of getting rid of mold.

How horrid. I hate this storm.

I woke up at 2:20AM with a sudden urge.

It was strange. I'd never had this in 2 years. I felt the urge to write.

So here are a couple of poems I've written in the last 2 hours. Enjoy.

IS IT OKAY TO LAUGH YET?

First you were a part of it,
Pushing the limits.
You idolized the cutting edge out of me.
You dove into pure ripped pleasure.

You descended into evil,
My passion.
The voice you never heard,
All sugar and no spice.
Chiseled and ripped,
It became a part of you.

You connected the civilized
steel nerves to the elements of my style.

Then...
You died.

Is it okay to laugh yet?

Scissors and Shears

Yes, you are the type.
The razor sharp dreamer.
The outrageous beast who repels comfort.
You are cool and shiny.
But those are accessories to pump up your look.
Then your contributing words strikes,
Slicing away my heart.
The burning sensation reigns
And I cannot escape to tomorrow's address,
which is the only antidote.

Now the only way to heal
is to slip into deep sleep
And vision a life that will never be embraceable again.

If Only

If only I could stop looking at myself in this mirror.
The reflection is fake, a pseudo apparition.
The sullen look of loneliness,
The obvious pain of misery,
And the desire to be something else.

If only I could be honest,
To heal my heart & soul -
To clean myself out of this life,
To regain all that has been lost,
To have the ability to morph.

If only I could change,
The whole dark side of me -
To renew myself,
To progress into something better,
To try a new life.

If only...

Do you ever have those moments where you have a crush on someone for a long, long time (say 3, 4 years) and then you finally admit it to him only to find out that you are not his type?

I feel like an idiot right now, and embarrassed. I think I will crawl into a hole & die.

I think this is pretty much needs no explanation to the reason why I posted this.

But WHAT THE FUCK?

I wonder if this would be any good....or at least a bit interesting! Hm....

Sometimes, I'm not quite fond of cabarets (well, except for the Broadway musical), but I am intrigued by them because of the one thing they offer: a chance to discover new talents.

And I suppose that's what happened with Scott Alan. Though he is not a major hit right now, he is still succeeding in show business with his small musicals and music. I bought an iTunes CD which compiled his best work, and one of the songs is something I truly fell in love with.

It's called "Never Never Land (Fly Away)", and it's such a beautiful piece. It is somber, yet hopeful. I just really enjoy listening to it over and over.

And to add the cherry & whip cream to the sundae, the chosen one to sing this song is Stephanie J. Block! Her voice is BEAUTIFUL, and she is one of the most amazing musical actress to ever walk on the face of the planet.

She has starred in a few Broadway productions, but her name didn't get any credit until she starred as Liza Minnelli in "The Boy From Oz," a musical based on the life & music of Peter Allen. I've also came across her path whne I saw Wicked in Tampa in the year of 2006. Stephanie played Elphaba, and every song she sang was perfection. What an amazing performer.

But back to the point, what an amazing songwriter, and what a song. It brings tears to me eyes every time.

When I was on Adam4Adam.com today, I just realized something startling. When I first joined the site 2 years ago, mostly just older men were into me. I was 22 at the time. Most of the messages I received were from men over the age of 30, and they were mostly just for a hookup. Very, very, very rarely did I ever get a message from anyone my age at the time. If I did, it would be from someone who had seen me at work, school, or a bar. They would say nothing more than "I've seen you here/there before." When I would try to message them back, they would never respond or read the message.

However, 2 years later, with an updated profile & picture, I seem to be getting less and less messages from older men. Which defines the fact that this area I live in is full of pedophiles or older men who just like to go after younger men. But to my surprise, I find that more younger people, ages from 19-22, are interested in getting to know me in an old-fashioned way than a quickie.

So to sum it all up:

When I was 22, older men were into me, and younger men were into only themselves or nobody else. But as I progressed to 24, younger men are interested in having an intellectual conversation with me while older men give up trying to convince me to sleep with them.

That's just my thoughts for this night. Now I am off to la-la land. Cheers.

So this weekend was a blast! I made a new friend, rode on all the fun rides, and got sunburned.

Okay, so maybe the latter was a bit more painful than fun, but you can't have a vacation in Florida without getting sunburned! It's against Florida's law, heh.

Busch Gardens continue to win my heart every time I go. I was saddened to see that they tore down Florida's first looping roller coaster. They replaced it with a kiddie area where they can play & learn at the same time, so that was a good thing. There were so few rides in that area, and more of an interactive with the animals kind of thing. The tiger exhibited became a LOT more personal by adding a Tiger Trail, where you can actually walk through the habitat and watch them eat or sleep. Those big kitties are the most beautiful creatures ever. I love tigers!

But the rides, my Stephen Sondheim, the rides! They were insane! We first went on the Tiger train on Gwazi, which was amazing & extremely fast. Then we rode on the biggest ride in the park: Sheikra. It was 200 feet tall with a 90* angled drop. I absolutely loved the thrill of it. Of course, the rest were the Tidal Wave, Congo River Rapids, Montu, and Kumba. I wanted to try the Scorpion, but we didn't have enough time and we were so exhausted so we left the park early.

However, Aquatica failed. Miserably. The park had a lot of great of ideas for the rides, but they did poorly with the lines. I felt like I was at Disney World instead, just standing in line ALL day. It took over an hour just to get lunch! In addition, I saw a man drink out of a fountain that contained recycled water. EW. Also, not to mention, there were a lot of...well, I mean this in the nicest way possible: not so attractive people. Women who weighed over 200 pounds wore thongs. It was disgusting. I forgot how ugly water parks can get with those kind of people.

But I did enjoy my time out of the house, away from the family, and not worrying about anything but having fun. I had such a great time with Craig, Dom, & Jeff. We plan to do this again, only this time we would fly up to New Jersey to visit Dom and go to Six Flags!

But now I am back into the whole daily routine. Work, work, work. *sighs*

I should be grateful I have a job, but at the same time, I'm wondering when I'm ever going to have something pay off.

Also, over the weekend, Craig & Dom instantly became a couple. They were inseperable, cute, and so madly in love. I developed an envy feeling for them. I was happy for them, but at the same time I hated them because I had to watch that whole thing. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Craig, and I love Dom. They are the greatest friends to have, and they don't mean to hurt my feelings by doing that. You can't help it, anyway so what's the point? I just hope that sooner or later, I'll find that special someone to share my life & my love with...but we shall see.

So, all in all, I had a great time, and I hope that we can do this again soon!

As we all know, I did not sleep very well last night. I was actually up all night, and only got a total of 2 1/2 hours of winks. I basically gave up, and showered to get ready for work. This was at 4AM.

I went to work at 5:30AM, and Holy Stephen Sondheim, was I busy! Not only did I have to drag my ass all over the store, but I had so many problems with the cashiers and their customers. I spent all morning going from one register to the next to approve markdowns, explain customers our policies, and to void transactions. Not only that, but the manager also bombed me with piles of paperwork to do. Thankfully, Charity told me she would take care of the paperwork while I work with the cashiers and the customers. However, my patience ran out. I was tired, ready to go home, and really did not want to deal with any kind of drama. Luckily, 12:30PM rolled along and I went home.

I spent the next hour and a half or so getting last minute things together. As I was leaving Merritt Island, I got a text from one of my friends saying that our plan had changed. So here I was, about to go on a journey of the unknown. I don't know Orlando that well, and I was TERRIFIED. I was afraid I was going to get lost or end up in a crash. Immediately, I got off from University Blvd. to Hall Road. Along the way, I decided to pull over to text my friend and ask him for the complete direction. That's when I realize that there is something wrong. I had a flat tire! Apparently, I had been driving with a tire that had a nail pierced into it.

My friend decided to come by and take a look at it, and suggested we get it fixed ASAP. Luckily, it was punctured in a good way, so my tire did not have to be replaced. We got it fixed in 2 hours time, and then went to the friend's brother's house.

We waited for another friend who was driving up from West Palm Beach. He did not get in until 8:30.

Obviously, all of our plans were going out of whack. We expected to check in the hotel no later than 9PM, which we didn't do until 11PM. How insane.

But I am so glad to be here. I feel very relieved to be with friends and just to kick back & relax. Tomorrow will be a long day, too, but I am certain we will have fun and make the best of it!

I wish I didn't get so overly excited over little things. Then, I could actually get a good few hours of sleep.

This weekend, I will be embarking on a journey to Tampa & Orlando with 3 of my best friends. I definitely need this time off from work, and I definitely need to learn how to kick back & relax while having fun before my life becomes hectic again with school starting in a couple of weeks.

However, when I requested for the days off, I forgot to put in Friday (or today, if you prefer it that way) off, so my manager scheduled me to work 5:30AM-12PM.

So far my schedule for Friday is this:
Get up at 4AM.
Shower, get ready for work, blah blah blah.
Pack up my overnight bag.
Get gas on the way to work.
Work.
Come home, do last minute checks.
Finally, go on the trip.

First, I will be meeting the friends at one of their old apartments in Casselberry, FL. We will then go out to eat for dinner, and then head off in my car for Tampa, FL. We'll get a hotel and stay there overnight.

Saturday morning, we'll leave 8:30AM sharp (or earlier) and head down to Busch Gardens to ride on all the rides. My goal is to ride these:

SHEIKRA

SCORPION

KUMBA

MONTU

and if time permits, GWAZI. Sorry, but there weren't any good videos of Gwazi. It's a tough coaster to capture, since most of the ride is not viewable to the public. People have taken cameras on the ride, but wooden coasters are not designed to be smooth, so the cameras shook a lot and you can barely see what is going on.

But those are the plans for Saturday. After Busch Gardens, we will be taking off Saturday night back to Orlando to get a hotel in the Sea World division. We will stay there Saturday night, and then checking out early in the morning to go to Aquatica. Then, we are going back to Craig's apartment and we will be going back home.

This is going to be a tight weekend, and I'll barely be in contact, since I need to get away from the real world for a bit, heh. But come Monday, all reality will be settling back in.

However, one thing I hate is the fact I cannot sleep at ALL. I am far too excited for this trip, and I really really need to sleep, since I am the one doing all the driving!

*sighs* Oh well. I will grin & bear it, and we will have fun for sure.

For years, she has entertained me on NBC and Lifetime. She was a caring woman, and a very well-respected actress.

Estelle Getty was born in 1923 and became very enthusiastic with Vaudeville from the age of 4. She then went into show business and spent nearly over 40 years of struggling to keep her hopes & dreams as well as family alive. It was not until 1985 when she claimed fame. She landed a role as "Sophia Petrillo" on a television sitcom that was world famously known as "The Golden Girls." Estelle's legacy came alive then, and in the history to come. She went on to win 2 Emmys and 2 Golden Globes. She also won awards for being very involved in AIDS fund raisings and such the likes.

Unfortunately, in her last few years, she suffered from Alzheimer's Disease and dementia. Today, she finally died peacefully in her home at age 84.

Her legacy as Sophia Petrillo will always be remembered by millions and millions of fans like myself. I'm so saddened to see her go, but I am glad she is now free from any form of sufferings.

Rest in peace, Estelle Getty!

And now, a few of my favorite moments of Sophia Petrillo:

This movie was the CUTEST thing ever. I wonder what Disney will do next to top this movie. It is, by far, my favorite movie by them.

The perfect thing about this movie is that there are really no major dialogues, so I can pretty much just enjoy the movie without having a hard time understanding what is being said.

But the story is so touching, what with love overcoming everything and that a thing with feelings will do anything for love. I just adored it! And plus, there were two songs from the musical, "Hello, Dolly!" and we all know how much that put the icing on the cake!

But finally, a perfect family movie. Far too many movies like Shrek have too many adult-themed, and yet they were rated PG or G. I really give props to Disney & Pixar for making this movie, and possibly the best one of the summer!

I was re-reading my Psychology Today magazines, and came across one from May-June of 2008. Why I did not notice this article, is a question that may never be answered. But I did read it, and I thought it was very, very intriguing.

It is a bit long, (5 Internet pages), but I think it's well worth reading, because there are some things in there that I had never even thought of until now. Keep in mind, that this is a study in the process. Some have not been entirely proven yet, and most are just theories. Having that said, keep an open mind, and do not jump to conclusions of any kind.

Have fun!

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=20080420-000003&page=1