These Are the Thoughts...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25322638/

George Carlin has been one of my favorite comedians of all time. His crass humor was brilliant. Where else can you find a man who makes you look at yourself and question your beliefs while laughing all at once? Brilliant.

I'm going to miss him.

May you rest in peace, and don't forget those pork chops that Jesus owes you!

http://cbs3.com/national/credit.cards.ban.2.751280.html

This is outrageous. I can't believe credit card companies actually force companies that we buy our needs from to pay a fee. It isn't right, and it isn't fair, but oh well that is greed.

But what really pisses me off is the fact that my bank actually agreed to assign me a credit card project in respect of buying a new car. I would buy gas with the credit card & pay off the credits used so I can reduce the costs of interests as well as car payments.

Now with this happening, what am I going to use my credit card for? I don't shop a lot, and I have been told that it isn't a good idea to buy food with credits. So what am I left with???

Honestly, gas is pissing me off and is screwing everything over.

I came upon a conversation with a coworker of mine today. We began talking about her children. Her youngest son is five years old, and has an imaginary friend. The mother actually thought it was too weird for her, since her other two children did not have imaginary friends when they were the same age. In conclusion, she ended up deciding to take her son to a psychologist. My reaction was "WHAT!?"

Honestly, it is NORMAL for a child that young (or old, I forget what is the normal age span of having an imaginary friend) to have an imaginary friend. I know I had one when I was five years old, and I am sure my sister & brother have had one too. It more of a comfort than a bothersome, at least to me. It was very hard for me to fit into school, since I was among the first deaf child to be fully mainstreamed in a Brevard County school. As a subconscious result, I created a friend that I thought I would always be friends with for a long time. Of course, by the next year or so, I was pretty much grown out of imaginary friends.

But still...it's important for a child to have one. He/she can bare the souls that have been bothering them, and they can really feel included or not so much alone as they usually feel. In addition, I think it adds more creativity to the young, unmolded minds. You can come up with great new games, stories, and other fun activities for a child to have. It's good for them.

Fortunately, the mother of the child told me that the psychiatrist analyzing the child said he was perfectly normal and that having an imaginary friend makes him feel much more accepted than at home. Okay, maybe that sounded bad, but I think it is normal because when you have a family with siblings, one is meant to feel left out. I know I did...

But with all due respect, if your child is young and has an imaginary friend, let him/her have one. It may seem delusional at first, but it is perfectly normal, and they will grow out of it sooner or later. Now, if your child is 23, and talks to himself constantly as if he had an imaginary friend, then it's possible he is schizophrenic or suffering from another form of delusional disorders. But please, do not let your child feel that it is wrong to have a best friend, whether if they are real or not.

In addition to the conversation, I told her to rent "Drop Dead Fred," a comedy about a career woman whose life was blowing up in all sorts of places and brings back her imaginary friend, Fred, to cheer her up, but tries to teach him the meaning of adulthood. It is quite an interesting film. But more importantly, it shows how important imaginary friends are to children.

So don't send your child off for prozac or ritalin if he has an imaginary friend...it's perfectly normal and they will grow out of it.

I was just looking through Youtube and happened to come across one of the MOST amazing performances ever done by Glenn Close:

Indeed, Glenn IS Norma Desmond! Though her voice may not be as great as Patti LuPone, Elaine Paige, and so many others who have done this role, I believe that Glenn really packs a whallop with emotions. You can see it in her eyes that she's putting everything into her words.

"One tear in my eye makes the whole world cry!"

Brilliant. Just simply brilliant.

And I read on imdb.com that they are producing this into a film. The chosen roles are still not announced yet, and the movie will not released until next year or two, but I have read elsewhere that Meryl Streep, Barbra Streisand, and Glenn Close are being considered. I surely hope that Glenn Close will get this part!

Do not get me wrong - Meryl Streep is a fabulous actress, but I don't think she can handle these songs. They are HARD to sing, and they are a lot of belting songs too. Although I've heard Barbra sing "As If We Never Said Goodbye," her voice is too much of a light flair. Glenn Close's voice is more accurate for this role...I always pictured Norma Desmond diva style, and Barbra's voice is too high pitched, but we'll see what Hollywood decides....

But my vote definitely goes to Ms. Close!!!

It appears that so many people forget the meaning of marriage. Here is the third edition of Webster's Handy College Dictionary definition of marriage:

mar'riage: (mar`ij) n. 1, the legal union of a man and a woman; a wedding. 2, the state of being married or united.

Throw in gay before marriage and what have you got, bibidi bobidi boo, a legal marriage between two of the same sexes. Now, what does that mean?

To me, legal gay marriage means a marriage between members of the same sex that have the same STATE rights as a heterosexual marriage does. So, according to myself - gay marriage is equal to heterosexual marriage by STATE LAW.

And it will be state law until it is legalized in the whole nation of the United States.

That means this: gay marriage only applies to those states that approve legal marriage for the same sex couples.

So many people forget that. They see a big picture of being MARRIED, not committed, not staying together till death do you part, nor do they see all the problems marriage causes.

For instance, I've noticed that most men are not committed to each other. They get together for a good 10 years and then break up. With gay marriage being legalized, I'm seeing a lot of dollar signs for divorce lawyers. The other issue is money. So many people forget that marrying someone else means you have to have a license to change one's name or to claim as each other's spouses to gain relationship rights like insurance or the right to own houses and such the likes. That costs money. It also costs money throughout their lives, because if you choose to be committed, then you choose to have the same banking accounts and the ability to share the dough. I have seen a LOT of fights lately in financial status between those who are "married" here in the US. Few of my friends have broken off their relationships mainly because of money, ranging from the significant other not making enough to not wanting to share the bills or whatever.

Secondly, marriage comes with trust. You must be able to trust that one person with all your life. If you can't, or won't, then you are in for a long haul of heartache and fights. So many people are extremely touchy about friends hanging out and "flirting." In my eyes, flirting is not bad...it's the touching that is bad. A dear friend of mine at work is happily married with a daughter, and she still looks at other guys. Even her husband knows about this, and he often looks at other girls. But does that mean they don't trust each other? No. It just means that they can still look at the menu, even if they had already ordered the entree. But in gay relationships, one is always suspicious & jealous...which is another reason why so many gay couples break up. I have seen it before, and I will always see it.

But what about the legal rights as well? Just because it is legal in California and Massachuttes does not mean it is legal in Florida. It says so in the article itself that a couple went to a hotel and were discriminated by sexual orientation. It is not easy - but it is there. And it will remain there until the Supreme Court overrules the state laws. Gay couples who married in Mass & California will lose their rights once they move themselves across the state line.

It just pisses me off how people take advantage of the laws like this and then bitch & moan & complain. They should look into marriage and see if it is for them. They should be able to know that they can trust the one, and that they are willing to risk everything.

As for me, I do want to get married. I do want to share my everything (even money) just to be with that person for the rest of my life.

And nothing is better than unconditional love.   :-)

So this is part one of the Tony Awards! I planned to wait until tomorrow or later on in the week once all of the performances are uploaded on youtube, but I am far too excited (even 2 1/2 hours after the awards)!

This was the BEST Tony Awards presentation since 2004 when Wicked, Avenue Q, the 2003 Revival of Gypsy, and Boy from Oz performed. Maybe I was mistaken about those shows...or yet, I was afraid the ones I didn't want to win would win. But overall, the performances were amazing!!! I was just blown away!

The host, the fabulous Tony winner Whoopi Goldberg, was by far the best host yet! She was extremely funny, and she really enjoyed joking around with the nominees and spoofing other musicals of the past such as Phantom of the Opera and Spring Awakening.

Of course, Diva Patti LuPone did win for best actress of a musical for her role as Madame Rose in the 1958 musical, "Gypsy." Honestly, I think she ranks right next to Ethel Merman. Sure, her voice is no where near as great as Ethel's, but her acting was by far the best!! Even Bernadette Peters, who won for the same title for the same role in 2004, does not even COMPARE to her! Don't get me wrong - I love Bernadette Peters, but Patti LuPone really acted out the song rather than "just" singing it. This shows a true passion of musical theatre.

Anyhow, here are the performances off from the top of my head, though not in the same order:

01. The Lion King (1997 Tony Award Winner)
02. Cry-Baby
03. Gypsy (2008 Best Actress, Best Featured Actress, Best Featured Actor of a Musical Winners)
04. Passing the Strange
05. Xanadu
06. The Little Mermaid
07. Young Frankenstein
08. A Catered Affair
09. In the Heights (2008 Best Musical Winner)
10. South Pacific (2008 Best Revival of a Musical Winner)
11. Sunday in the Park with George
12. Grease

As you can see, there were a LOT of performances!

If you ask me, I really did think that "In the Heights" and "South Pacific" should have won for Best Musicals. The former is a story about the struggles of trying to "make it happen." It is a beautiful story, and the music is quite unique too, since it is mostly rap. How many rap songs do you hear have the words like "Cole Porter" or bett yet - how many rap and pop songs do you see about the hardships of life in NYC? It is like Rent, but I believe that it brings comfort to America because we, at this time of our lives, are at the point of hardships. We are angry bitter people, and this musical really reflects the way we are living our lives. As for "South Pacific," well...it's a Rodgers & Hammerstein musical, what more can I say!? But moreso, it is a racial issue, and I think it was brought up because of Obama. There is a certain song in this show called "You've Got to Be Carefully Taught," which is about the reason why we are prejudiced. We are taught to hate and fear people who look, act, and speak differently than we do. We are carefully taught to avoid relationships ofa any kind towards those who are different than us. You have to remember, though, this musical opened in 1949, a time when race was a big issue. It is one of the boldest moves that Rodgers & Hammerstein have ever done, and though it was pretty much a flop, the show went on to be made into a film and countless of concerts as well as amateur theater projects.

But anyhow, the evening was wonderful, and I feel blessed to have watched it. I will update a later version with some of my favorite moments from youtube. Toodle Doo!

Today is the 3rd Sunday of June. Usually, the Tony Awards (a respectful award that ANY actor would love to have!) is on the SECOND Sunday of June, but for some odd reason it's on the 3rd.

Anyhow, today I plan to watch the Tony Awards, in spite of all the lame nominations. I often have to remind myself that Broadway did not have a very good season, due to the WGAE as well as the stagehands' strikes. Both of these occurred at the same time, and one lasted for months and months, while the other lasted for I think a month and a half.

But one thing I *am* glad:

Patti Lupone is once again a nominee for Best Actress in a Musical for her role as Madam Rose in Gypsy. I have always adored Patti Lupone from the moment I heard her in the original soundtrack of Andrew Lloyd Webber's original Broadway cast recording of Evita. Her voice is known to be one of the most powerful voices in the history of Broadway, and is one of the hottest selling as well, since she herself can sell out the entire Carnegie Hall. But it is not just her voice - her acting is really swell, too. I admire her when she humored me with Michael Frayn's "Noises Off" as Dotty Otely/Mrs. Clackett, and when I heard her in the 1988 revival of Cole Porter's "Anything Goes," she absolutely won my heart.

Here are a few reasons why I think she should get this award!

"BEING ALIVE" (Stephen Sondheim's Celebration)

"Anything Goes!" - 1988 Revival of "Anything Goes!"

"With One Look" - promotion for Sunset Boulevard (she was later replaced by Glenn Close)

and finally...a performance from The View, "Some People" from Gypsy!
Hint: Skip to 4:18 to watch her actually perform. If you're interested in the interview and her experience as Madam Rose, then watch the whole thing....

This scene makes me laugh.

Today was a day of randomness. One thing after another, one bridge connecting to another, and all to complete a day that left my mind in boggling thoughts of everyday life as well as mine.

The day began when I decided to meet up Craig at Steak n' Shake for an occasional lunch/hangout session. We talked about my drama with Jenn and Robbie (long story I wish not to share), and how it affected all of us. Moreso, I've realized how much I am worth, how much I have matured, and how much I have spent my life knowing what is right and wrong.

But as the day went on, we decided to stop by the Merritt Square Mall to walk around. We went into Books A Million where we came upon these young immature boys. They began to follow us around the store waving at us. Our first thoughts were, "what the hell?" We didn't know them, and I am more than certain they did not know us. But as we ignored them and moved to the back of the store, they followed us around, still waving at us. Then Craig, being much more observant than I am, noticed that they wanted to just joke around with us like dickwads. We left the store and they began walking behind us. Though I never told Craig this, they were also making funny noises because of the way we talk because of our deafness. Honestly, that just pissed me off. How can people be so inconsiderate? I reminded myself that they were no younger than 16, and that they were probably still in their middle school mentality where they think they know everything and that disability is a nice word for being "retarded."

They continued to follow us until we decided to go into Spencer's. That whole five minute experience was just utterly random and rude. But we both decided to chuckle at the losers, for they were making a fool out of themselves because - think about it: 2 13-16 year olds...following around making fun of us in front of a crowd. Honestly, who's going to look retarded here?

But anyhow, we spent a good fifteen minutes or so checking out all the weird gadget in Spencer's before moving into the game store and Payless. We also went into the pet store where I fell in love with a golden retriever and a beagle as well as a few rabbits. I love animals!

After a while, we decided to take a tiny break and have a nice smoothie at Nature's Table and just talked about variety of things. Then, we went home.

It was a good day to spend with Craig, and I'm glad that we were able to hang out today!

Now I am at home, watching "The History Boys." This is one of my favorite films of all time. Though it is a dark comedy about a British history class and its students being fondled with (physical/relationship-wise) their teacher. It is a moving production, and I believe it won a Tony Awards when it was on Broadway a few years back. But what is amazing is the message behind all the story. All of the actors in this film (were also the original actors played in West End, Broadway, Japan, and Germany) are simply amazing and so flawless. I am just amazed by it.

I've also spent my time watching the BBC America channel. I've watched the following shows:

Two series of "You Are What You Eat"
Two series of "Clean Sweep"
One series of "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares"

Alas, I feel much more relaxed now, and I am looking forward to just spending my evening at home watching a few shows (and movies as well) and chatting with friends...

First off, you need to read this.

http://www.infowars.com/?p=2640

This pretty much explains what the Internet will be like in the United States in 2010-2012. To sum it up, the telephone companies as well as cable companies want to seperate the Internet into a corporate where we would be charged monthly for an unreasonable price. In addition, there will be a very strict code to go by with e-mails and websites. Translation: no blogs, no personal websites, no e-mails. This would really make Americans go crazy since we all rely on the cyberspace for entertainment as well as to keep in touch with our families & loved ones.

But Obama has a plan...

http://obama.senate.gov/podcast/060608-network_neutral/

So if you still want to be able to keep in touch & entertained by the Internet, VOTE FOR OBAMA!!!

We all know that Republicans are GREEDY and will NOT pay a dime to change America! They will also do anything to find an excuse to put more rising costs out of our paychecks into theirs!!!

I just finished listening to Alanis Morissette's new album release, "Flavors of Entanglement."

With all due respect to Alanis, this was not one of her best albums. I admire her for trying out new music, though, but this does no justice to what I have been used to listening for the past thirteen years. She is a great singer, an even better songwriter, but her taste of this new music was not exactly I pictured.

I am not entirely disappointed, but I am not entirely blessed either.

Here are the song listings. The ones with the strikethrough are the ones I had a hard time relating to, the ones with the italics are the ones that I so-so like or may grow onto me after listening to it a few times, and the ones I really like are in bold.

01. Citizen of the Planet
02. Underneath
03. Straightjacket
04. Versions of Violence
05. Not as We
06. In Praise of the Vulnerable Man
07. Moratorium
08. Torch
09. Giggling Again for No Reason
10. Tapes
11. Incomplete

And I also ordered the Deluxe Edition, in which includes five extra songs that Alanis wrote. Sadly to say, I did not like any of them...however, I did enjoy Alanis's lyrics, as I always do. I just wished that her music could have flowed with the words better.

In "Orchid," one of the "extra" songs, she wrote:

"I am a sweet piece of work
Well intentioned yet disturbed
Wrongly labeled and underfed
Treated like a rose as an orchid"

I absolutely adored the last line! She just finds so many ways of making a metaphor sound so artistically beautiful.

If you are wondering - Alanis chose a different style of music. She usually goes for a tone of melancholy and pain as well as a tad bit of anger. But in this album, she used a lot of techno-rock style. It is a bold move, because usually rock and techno do not mix. That's one thing I admire about her: taking strides and not giving a damn about the opinions of the world. I do give her props for that, and she will still be my idol & my favorite songwriter of all time. I just hope when she goes on tour, she won't sing too many of these songs because they do not have the same effects as the older ones do like "Uninvited" or "Wunderkind."

Overall, I don't hate the album, but I also don't like it. I suppose I'll listen to it more often and see what will grow onto me.

But here are the lyrics of the three songs that I really do enjoy listening to:

UNDERNEATH

Look at us breaking bonds in this kitchen
Look at us rallying all our defenses
Look at us raging war in our bedroom
Look at us jumping ship in our dialogues

CHORUS
There is no difference in what we're doing in here
That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there
So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages
When we've the ultimate key to our cause right here, our underneath

Look at us form our cliques in our sandbox
Look at us micro kids with both our hearts blocked
Look at us turn away from all the rough spots
Look at dictatorship on my own block

CHORUS

How I've spun the wheel with carts before my horse
When shine on the outside springs from the root
Spotlight on these seeds of simpler reasons
This core, born into form, starts in my livingroom

*Interlude*

CHORUS

NOT AS WE

Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain

Unsure, unconvincing
This faint and shaky hour

CHORUS
Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense for now
I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as I
And not as we

Gun shy and quivering
Timid without a hand

Feign brave with steel intent
Little and hardly here

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
With not much making sense just yet
I'm faking it 'til I'm psuedo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as I
And not as we

Eyes wet toward
Wide open frayed
If God's taking bets
I hope He wants to lose

CHORUS

MORATORIUM
I've never been this accountable-less and within
I've never known focusless-ness of any form

I've never had this lack of ache for dalliance
To let go and let god in ways I have never even imagined

CHORUS
I declare a moratorium on things relationships
I declare a respite from the toils of liasion
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time-out from all things commitment

I've never let my grasp soften fingers like this
I've never been carless otherless like autonomy's twin

CHORUS

Ahh to breathe
Stop looking outside
Stop searching in corner of rooms
Not my business of timing
Ahh

I've never known freedom from interwining
I start again this time for keeps in my skin I'm residing

CHORUS

TORCH

I miss your smell and your style and your pure abiding way
     miss your approach to life and your body in my bed
miss your take on anything and the music you would play
miss cracking up and wrestling, our debriefs at end of day

These are things that I miss
These are not for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this

I miss your neck and your gait and your sharing what you write
miss you walking through the front door, documentaries in your hand
miss traveling our traveling and your fun and charming friends
miss our Big Sur getaways
And to watch you love my dogs

CHORUS

One step one prayer I soldier on, simulating moving on

I miss your warmth and the thought of us bringing up our kids
and the part of you that walks with your stick-tied handkerchief

CHORUS

Today was the day for me to have a nice, relaxing day. After meeting Andrea for a nice chat and frozen yogurt, I went home and watched TV. Alanis Morissette was on four different channels, promoting her new album. Needless to say, I am getting tired of her song, "Underneath." It has already been overdone, but from what I've heard by the fans who have already listened to the entire CD (I get mine tomorrow in the mail!), Alanis did not do a good job. Though they respect her for trying out new music, they still wished she was the same person from 1995.

Anyhow, after seeing Alanis perform & being interviewed on numerous of talking shows, I switched to good ol' HBO. I came across a movie that I have seen & loved, but not for long time: Hairspray.

I give this movie a 6 out 10. I honestly thought it would have been better if Penny was casted by a different gal and Edna casted by Harvey Fierstien. But overall, the movie was pretty entertaining.

The movie tells a story of acceptance in society regarding to weight & race. It is a "re-make" of the original movie, which starred Ricki Lake as Tracey Turnblad, Diva as Edna, Tracey's mother. The 1988 original release was extremely too cras for even public television to air, but it left a huge mark of cult since then. When Hairspray was brought back in 2002 as a Broadway musical, it fired up a new form of cult: being fat & able to sing & dance. Everyone wanted to be Tracy or Edna.

Anyhow, Tracey is an obese young girl who dreams of changing the world by being able to go on the Corny Collins dance show and making it integrated.

Now, John Travolta, whom I dearly respect as a great actor, did okay in this movie. His choice of voice was not exactly what I was expecting, and I was let down when I first saw the movie. He also made Edna a little bit too feminine in my opinion, and I always thought John Waters (the creator of Hairspray) made Edna very flamboyant in a drag queen sense of style. John insisted that Edna is a WOMAN, 100%. I don't know if I agree with it, but each actor has his/her own interpretations. I give him respect for playing this role, though, because playing a female role is a big NO NO in Hollywood.

But I am very impressed with Nikki Blonsky! This girl was a nobody who worked in an ice cream parlor. Her voice was incredible, and her interpretation of Tracey was superb.

All in all, the movie was cute, funny (if you go for musical comedy or racial slurs & crass humor about weight), and brilliant. It was probably the best musical film since "Chicago" in 2002.

If you haven't seen it, I suggest it. Yes, it is corny, but what musical isn't? Plus, Queen Latifah, Zac Efron, Christopher Walken are really musically inclined and Adam Sankman directed, produced, AND choreographed the film...which is hard work!

And below are the musical numbers. The ones with the asterix next to it are the ones that were not included in the original Broadway production.

01. Good Morning, Baltimore!
02. The Nicest Kids in Town
03. Miss Baltimore Crabs
04. I Can Hear the Bells
05. Ladies' Choice*
06. The Nicest Kids in Town (Reprise)
07. The New Girl in Town*
08. Welcome to the 60's!
09. Run and Tell That
10. Big, Blonde, and Beautiful
11. Big, Blonde, and Beautiful (Reprise)
12. You're Timeless to Me
13. I Know Where I've Been
14. Without Love
15. It's Hairspray
16. You Can't Stop the Beat (Finale)

This movie was by far the best comedy I have seen in a long time. Though it is not slapstick comedy or crass comedy, it is a comedy in its own style of fashion and sarcasm.

I just love this movie not only because of my gay lifestyle that's tied bonds with sense of fashion, but rather because of how fashion life is in corporate America. Everything is about a specific color, a specific fabric, a specific style. If either one of these is screwed, the whole collection would have to be a do-over. It shows the complicated work of designers, along with magazine editors and their assistants.

The talented Meryl Streep plays as Miranda Priestly, aka "The Devil Wears Prada." Priestly is a spoiled bitch who loves to make others' lives miserable because of her selfishness. What's worse, she never came to realize later on as the plot unfolds that her selfishness is not healthy. She loves it instead, and devours it as much as she can.

The beautiful Anne Hathaway plays Andrea, a fresh, out of college young girl who moved to NYC with dreams of making it big as an editor for magazines or columns found in The New York Times and such. However, her career search was limited, and she was sent to "Runway," a fasion magazine. She quickly learns the horror of what it is like to live in a world of perfection: to be a size 0, know every celebrity & designers from all over the world, and she would soon have to abandon her old ways to be able to fit into her new workplace.

Her personal life wilt one by one, like a rose's petals that wilt with age, and soon it falls apart. But at the same time, her career in fashion takes off. Soon, she realizes what must be done...and does it.

This movie is about power. It's about having the power to overcome authority. Having the power to say, "This is who I am, take me or leave me."

I have also read the novel of the same name by Lauren Weisberger. She is such a great writer, and she made me feel like I was actually in NYC following her around while she suffers on her job with all the clackers. If you haven't seen this movie, you must. It is a must see, and you will also be amazed by the actors' performances.

The next few movies I plan to see are:

The Happening
Wall*E
The Strangers
Mamma Mia!
The Dark Knight (Heath Ledger's last completed film!)
Hancock
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emporer
Sex and the City

So be prepared for some more reviews!

So I just finished watching Graham Norton. It was the first show I've ever watched that was from a BBC channel. Needless to say - I can tell how much different it is than any of the American talk shows! I couldn't believe how open the show is, with all the insults! I actually loved it! There are things they said on that show that would just shock the whole country if it was said on Jay Leno or David Letterman.

Then again, it is Graham Norton...ha.

But on the show, Dame Edna pretty much took the title of being the headliner. She was funny, annoying, and never stopped talking. I had a real good time listening to her jokes about the audience, fashion, psychics, and her lovely new assistant who couldn't stop being a chatterbox. But the main reason why I was watching this show was because of the musician that was presented: Alanis Morissette.

I have always been a fan of Alanis Morissette ever since 1995 (I was only in fourth grade!) when she released her first world-wide album, "Jagged a Little Pill." At the time, I was battling with anger, depression, and anxiety of trying to fit into the hearing world as a deaf person. Her lyrics and music allowed me to feel that I was not alone. She created a world of my own where I can be myself without having to worry about anything - and to allow me to have emotions that I thought I should never have.

However, after her release, she disappeared in 1996 once her tour was over. During that time, she visited India, and revived her music career with her second album, "Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie" in 1998. By then, I was in 8th grade. I was still struggling with depression, and once again, Alanis came to the rescue of letting me be myself in my own little world.

But that all began to change in 2000, when I started dating. I dated women at the time, but I was still having a hard time with being true to myself by realizing my true sexuality. Of course, I have heard Alanis in numerous of interviews, and realized that she, too, has done some sexual experimenting herself to find her true self. Being afraid, I didn't make this bold move until late 2001. Then, I dated a young man and we both broke up. Voila, Alanis released "Under Rug Swept" and "Feast on Scraps." And again, as always, she continued to bring me back to that little world.

I finally decided to come out of the closet in 2003. Alanis was not around other than doing tours and working on her new album that was to be released in 2004. By then, I was dating a so-called wonderful man named Jess. He was a Marine who lived in Texas and Iraq at times. With her new album in 2004, I was able to finally express happiness, and for once, Alanis was able to do so too. We both created our own worlds of being happy with the one person that we thought we would be together.

Amazingly enough, when Alanis & Ryan broke up in 2005 or 2006, Jess and I finally parted ways after our trembling relationship strained us both. He was far too busy to speak with me, and would not make time to be with me. I was too needy and clingy, and so I decided that I didn't need to be like that anymore and broke off the relationship.

In 2005, she released her 10th anniversary CD, which was an acoustic version of "Jagged a Little Pill." Once again I was depressed, but not as bitter as I was in 1995. Which is weird, because this particular CD was actully bittersweet. It was not the same emotions that Alanis had expressed in 1995, but there was still a tad bit of sadness & anger, but much more mellow...

And now...that Ryan & Jess are out of our lives, Alanis & I have come back together again to reconcile with ourselves. She released "Flavors of Entaglement" in Europe in the beginning of June, and will be releasing the album in the US on June 10th. Needless to say, she has changed & so have I. I cannot wait until June 10th when I get my hands on the album. I will for sure give a review on here.

To me, Alanis is my idol. Her music and her words really speak to me, and we both seem to have so much in common as we go along in our lives. I feel like a sister, and I feel like her companion at times.

I honestly do not know what my point in this entry is. I am just rambling about...

But here is a few of my favorite clips of her performance that I hope you will enjoy:

I am appalled.

I used to subscribe to countless of gay magazines such as Out, The Advocate, Genre, Details, and so forth. Unfortunately, over the years, I've noticed that Out, Genre, Details, and so forth magazines have been nothing but bittersweet loads of sex!

These magazines are supposedly FASHION magazines. They are supposed to be what's in this season, and what is out. More than often I try to look at the clothes & hair styles and see what would attract me to try out. I know I am attractive if I try to, however, still have that flair of respect to my body as well as others. I don't flaunt my sexuality, and I don't advertise the size of my waist, let alone the size of my penis. Those are things that do not matter to me, and shouldn't matter to anyone else.

But these magazines are coming with less and less clothings, and more naked bodies. Even in the winter, they show a bunch of men in Christmas underwear next to a warm fire, cuddling. Or they show two or three men that seem to be having some kind of sexual innuendo going on while wearing long sleeves & long pants. But all in all - it comes down to one thing: sex.

I have stopped subscribing to these magazines. I only subscribe to The Advocate and HRC (Human Rights Campaign), but these are not qualified for fashion. Instead, they focus on changing America to accept the GLBT community. However, that doesn't mean we don't have to change without looking good.

I am not sure if I am being a hypocrite. I feel like I am, but at times I feel like I am not. I believe in looking good, but I don't believe in looking sexy...if that makes any sense.

But it is so unfortunate that we all have to focus on how sexy we look instead of how attractive we look. Can't we all just say that we are beautiful in our own ways, and that appearance is just something that should be judged only partially, or not even at all?

As far as I am concerned, with the elections of 2008 coming up so quickly, I need to express my opinions towards the candidates for the new president of the United States.

You see, for the past eight years, I have lived in turmoil with nightmares of the country's economy, witnessing my friends head off to war only to never come back, seeing people being killed coldly & harshly just because they were gay or a race of some kind, and dealing with lies that Bush has told us from day one in 2000.

I want this to change. If McCain wins, however, we are looking at ANOTHER four years of no change. McCain is pro-war, and believes we should stay in Iraq, Iran, and Afghanistan for as long as it would take to wipe out the Al-Quida (spelling?) clan, which has NO point because neither of these countries have any weapons of mass destructions. Sure, we may have been attacked, but honestly, whose fault was that? We should've taken a closer look at how many of these people from those countries were coming into our country, into the same pilot school, and boarding on the same planes all at once. I blame our government for carelessly allowing 9/11 to happen. I even think that our government may have been BEHIND all of this, because of certain evidences. For instance, if you recall correctly, a few hours after the World Trade Center towers fell, Building 11 just suddenly fell for no reason it seemed. Many stated that the supports were damaged from the other two towers when they descended, but that does not make any sense. From what I understand, that building was made of material that was for sure not to allow it to fall due to damaged supports. Also, if you look closely at the videos, you can see some kind of explosions going on at the base, right before it fell. In addition - that building held documents of security & immigration reports. So why did that building fall? It just seems so suspicious to me.

But case in point - Bush lied, and I am sure that McCain will lie as well.

Another point - McCain does not support gays & lesbians. He thinks that our anti-discrimination and hate crime laws should be taken out. He also wants to take out the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," banning our own people from going into the military to fight for their country just because of sexual orientation.

Also, he does not seem to have a clear statement on how to improve our economy. I bet he will keep raising our costs but keeping our wages the same.

And another thing: his age! My goodness, do we need a 71 year-old as President!? My grandparents are well into their 60s & 70s and already their minds are going. They cannot remember a few things, they are delusional at times, and they cannot take care of themselves as well as they used to. I have no problem with how old you are or how young you are, as long as you are ABLE to do it. I have customers who are in their 70s and they cannot even count money. In addition - this man is about to die. Americans in their 70s is usually dead by the age of 75-ish. So how can we vote for someone who only has 3-4 years to live?

Barack Obama, I believe, will bring good change to this country. Not only is he so concerned of our economic problems, but he is concerned with the world's problems as well. Global warming and such the like. He will take heed towards our environment (which Bush failed to do so, even though he promised that he would) to make it better.

He is also concerned about the equality for all of us. He wants to remove the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law, but instill an anti-discrimination law EVERYWHERE, including the military and the work force. And this is what really made my day: he is HONEST. He admitted that he does not approve gays & lesbians for religious reasons, BUT he believes that everyone in America should be equal. This means he will push for gay marriage, adoptions, equal home ownerships, insurances, health benefits, and so many more. That takes a lot of courage to confront your religious beliefs and still be so open-minded for other people.

The other thing is the war. I am not sure if he can pull that off, but at least he does not want us over there, getting ourselves killed as well as killing innocent people over greed.

But those are just a FEW of the reasons why I am voting for Obama, but they are the main reasons. I think we need to change America, period. Many of my fellow citizens do not think the world is ready for an African-American president, but since when are we ready for anything? If you have not noticed, America is ALWAYS instilled with chaotic controversies. In the early 1900s, women pushed for their rights to vote & their rights to work. Also, in the 1920s, America changed its ways with music, fashion, and other fads. As the '50s and '60s arrived, they faced civil rights movement, which was the most bold thing this country had ever seen. In the 60s-70s, young Americans pushed for their rights to vote as they went off to war in Vietnam and women pushed for more equality in the work force. We are constantly in a controversial state, and I am so glad to be witnessing this historical event as an African-American takes his place as President of the United States.

A dear friend of mine suggested that this blog website would be a better run than Livejournal. Allow me to introduce myself.

My name's Joey, and I live in the United States. I live in a small town on the east coast of Florida, about one hour from Orlando. I am 24 years old, and I do go to school at a community college. I had high hopes of becoming a Tony-Award winning actor, but that job was too much of a dream than reality. I've tried to go into the psychology field, but it was much too difficult with all the mathematics that were involved. As you can note, I am not very good with math. I thought about writing, perhaps journalism or a novelist, but I feel that would not go as successful as I'd want it to be. But right now, I am just finishing up the community degree, and I will be soon going into culinary arts. I thought about opening up my own pastry or some kind of baking goods business. I do very well with sweets and love sweets as well as Italian and Chinese.

I like to read, write, act in community theaters, and work. I work for a hardware store called The Home Depot. It surely pays better than my other job, which was a local grocery store called Publix. I've worked at Publix for 5 years before finally throwing in the apron and landed a job as Head Cashier at Home Depot. I love the people I work with, I love helping my customers, and yet I hate my job. But it does pay the bills, so I will have to stick by it.

I am openly gay, and proud of it.

I am also deaf, and proud of that too.

I like music as well, in despite of all the hearing loss. I can hear some, but not all, but music to me is the air I breathe. Without sound, I feel like a fish out of water. I can also read lips and am very, very fluent in American Sign Language, but I would like to learn other sign languages.

Right now, my mind is having a hard time boggling. I suppose it is one of my "lazy" days, where I'd rather just relax and have a nice day at home watching the television...