These Are the Thoughts...

So this weekend was a blast! I made a new friend, rode on all the fun rides, and got sunburned.

Okay, so maybe the latter was a bit more painful than fun, but you can't have a vacation in Florida without getting sunburned! It's against Florida's law, heh.

Busch Gardens continue to win my heart every time I go. I was saddened to see that they tore down Florida's first looping roller coaster. They replaced it with a kiddie area where they can play & learn at the same time, so that was a good thing. There were so few rides in that area, and more of an interactive with the animals kind of thing. The tiger exhibited became a LOT more personal by adding a Tiger Trail, where you can actually walk through the habitat and watch them eat or sleep. Those big kitties are the most beautiful creatures ever. I love tigers!

But the rides, my Stephen Sondheim, the rides! They were insane! We first went on the Tiger train on Gwazi, which was amazing & extremely fast. Then we rode on the biggest ride in the park: Sheikra. It was 200 feet tall with a 90* angled drop. I absolutely loved the thrill of it. Of course, the rest were the Tidal Wave, Congo River Rapids, Montu, and Kumba. I wanted to try the Scorpion, but we didn't have enough time and we were so exhausted so we left the park early.

However, Aquatica failed. Miserably. The park had a lot of great of ideas for the rides, but they did poorly with the lines. I felt like I was at Disney World instead, just standing in line ALL day. It took over an hour just to get lunch! In addition, I saw a man drink out of a fountain that contained recycled water. EW. Also, not to mention, there were a lot of...well, I mean this in the nicest way possible: not so attractive people. Women who weighed over 200 pounds wore thongs. It was disgusting. I forgot how ugly water parks can get with those kind of people.

But I did enjoy my time out of the house, away from the family, and not worrying about anything but having fun. I had such a great time with Craig, Dom, & Jeff. We plan to do this again, only this time we would fly up to New Jersey to visit Dom and go to Six Flags!

But now I am back into the whole daily routine. Work, work, work. *sighs*

I should be grateful I have a job, but at the same time, I'm wondering when I'm ever going to have something pay off.

Also, over the weekend, Craig & Dom instantly became a couple. They were inseperable, cute, and so madly in love. I developed an envy feeling for them. I was happy for them, but at the same time I hated them because I had to watch that whole thing. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Craig, and I love Dom. They are the greatest friends to have, and they don't mean to hurt my feelings by doing that. You can't help it, anyway so what's the point? I just hope that sooner or later, I'll find that special someone to share my life & my love with...but we shall see.

So, all in all, I had a great time, and I hope that we can do this again soon!

As we all know, I did not sleep very well last night. I was actually up all night, and only got a total of 2 1/2 hours of winks. I basically gave up, and showered to get ready for work. This was at 4AM.

I went to work at 5:30AM, and Holy Stephen Sondheim, was I busy! Not only did I have to drag my ass all over the store, but I had so many problems with the cashiers and their customers. I spent all morning going from one register to the next to approve markdowns, explain customers our policies, and to void transactions. Not only that, but the manager also bombed me with piles of paperwork to do. Thankfully, Charity told me she would take care of the paperwork while I work with the cashiers and the customers. However, my patience ran out. I was tired, ready to go home, and really did not want to deal with any kind of drama. Luckily, 12:30PM rolled along and I went home.

I spent the next hour and a half or so getting last minute things together. As I was leaving Merritt Island, I got a text from one of my friends saying that our plan had changed. So here I was, about to go on a journey of the unknown. I don't know Orlando that well, and I was TERRIFIED. I was afraid I was going to get lost or end up in a crash. Immediately, I got off from University Blvd. to Hall Road. Along the way, I decided to pull over to text my friend and ask him for the complete direction. That's when I realize that there is something wrong. I had a flat tire! Apparently, I had been driving with a tire that had a nail pierced into it.

My friend decided to come by and take a look at it, and suggested we get it fixed ASAP. Luckily, it was punctured in a good way, so my tire did not have to be replaced. We got it fixed in 2 hours time, and then went to the friend's brother's house.

We waited for another friend who was driving up from West Palm Beach. He did not get in until 8:30.

Obviously, all of our plans were going out of whack. We expected to check in the hotel no later than 9PM, which we didn't do until 11PM. How insane.

But I am so glad to be here. I feel very relieved to be with friends and just to kick back & relax. Tomorrow will be a long day, too, but I am certain we will have fun and make the best of it!

I wish I didn't get so overly excited over little things. Then, I could actually get a good few hours of sleep.

This weekend, I will be embarking on a journey to Tampa & Orlando with 3 of my best friends. I definitely need this time off from work, and I definitely need to learn how to kick back & relax while having fun before my life becomes hectic again with school starting in a couple of weeks.

However, when I requested for the days off, I forgot to put in Friday (or today, if you prefer it that way) off, so my manager scheduled me to work 5:30AM-12PM.

So far my schedule for Friday is this:
Get up at 4AM.
Shower, get ready for work, blah blah blah.
Pack up my overnight bag.
Get gas on the way to work.
Work.
Come home, do last minute checks.
Finally, go on the trip.

First, I will be meeting the friends at one of their old apartments in Casselberry, FL. We will then go out to eat for dinner, and then head off in my car for Tampa, FL. We'll get a hotel and stay there overnight.

Saturday morning, we'll leave 8:30AM sharp (or earlier) and head down to Busch Gardens to ride on all the rides. My goal is to ride these:

SHEIKRA

SCORPION

KUMBA

MONTU

and if time permits, GWAZI. Sorry, but there weren't any good videos of Gwazi. It's a tough coaster to capture, since most of the ride is not viewable to the public. People have taken cameras on the ride, but wooden coasters are not designed to be smooth, so the cameras shook a lot and you can barely see what is going on.

But those are the plans for Saturday. After Busch Gardens, we will be taking off Saturday night back to Orlando to get a hotel in the Sea World division. We will stay there Saturday night, and then checking out early in the morning to go to Aquatica. Then, we are going back to Craig's apartment and we will be going back home.

This is going to be a tight weekend, and I'll barely be in contact, since I need to get away from the real world for a bit, heh. But come Monday, all reality will be settling back in.

However, one thing I hate is the fact I cannot sleep at ALL. I am far too excited for this trip, and I really really need to sleep, since I am the one doing all the driving!

*sighs* Oh well. I will grin & bear it, and we will have fun for sure.

For years, she has entertained me on NBC and Lifetime. She was a caring woman, and a very well-respected actress.

Estelle Getty was born in 1923 and became very enthusiastic with Vaudeville from the age of 4. She then went into show business and spent nearly over 40 years of struggling to keep her hopes & dreams as well as family alive. It was not until 1985 when she claimed fame. She landed a role as "Sophia Petrillo" on a television sitcom that was world famously known as "The Golden Girls." Estelle's legacy came alive then, and in the history to come. She went on to win 2 Emmys and 2 Golden Globes. She also won awards for being very involved in AIDS fund raisings and such the likes.

Unfortunately, in her last few years, she suffered from Alzheimer's Disease and dementia. Today, she finally died peacefully in her home at age 84.

Her legacy as Sophia Petrillo will always be remembered by millions and millions of fans like myself. I'm so saddened to see her go, but I am glad she is now free from any form of sufferings.

Rest in peace, Estelle Getty!

And now, a few of my favorite moments of Sophia Petrillo:

This movie was the CUTEST thing ever. I wonder what Disney will do next to top this movie. It is, by far, my favorite movie by them.

The perfect thing about this movie is that there are really no major dialogues, so I can pretty much just enjoy the movie without having a hard time understanding what is being said.

But the story is so touching, what with love overcoming everything and that a thing with feelings will do anything for love. I just adored it! And plus, there were two songs from the musical, "Hello, Dolly!" and we all know how much that put the icing on the cake!

But finally, a perfect family movie. Far too many movies like Shrek have too many adult-themed, and yet they were rated PG or G. I really give props to Disney & Pixar for making this movie, and possibly the best one of the summer!

I was re-reading my Psychology Today magazines, and came across one from May-June of 2008. Why I did not notice this article, is a question that may never be answered. But I did read it, and I thought it was very, very intriguing.

It is a bit long, (5 Internet pages), but I think it's well worth reading, because there are some things in there that I had never even thought of until now. Keep in mind, that this is a study in the process. Some have not been entirely proven yet, and most are just theories. Having that said, keep an open mind, and do not jump to conclusions of any kind.

Have fun!

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=20080420-000003&page=1

Last year, I saw the national tour of the world-wide sensational musical, "Mamma Mia!". Needless to say, it was by far one of the best shows I had ever seen. The plot was cheesy, but the music was great & it flowed well with the plot, and the choreography was swell, too.

But even then, I had heard that they were making it into a movie. I became both excited and disappointment. Excited because it's nice to see that Hollywood is regaining its trust in musicals. Disappointed because...well, there is ALWAYS something wrong with a movie musical.

Here are a few examples:
RENT was a disaster compared to the show. It showed lack of integrity, of meaning, and emotions. Though the music arrangement and the cast's voices were amazing, the movie still took out a LOT of important scenes and not to mention - one of my favorite songs, "Christmas Bells."

HAIRSPRAY was a bit disappointing because of the casting. John Travolta, though did impress me in some ways, still did not portray Edna Turnblad in a way she should be portrayed. At least, that is in my opinion.

EVITA, however, is one of the PERFECT example for a disaster waiting to happen. Why the hell did they cast Madonna, I will never understand. The setting was poor, too, and the emotions were raw. I saw a national tour of this show and I must say, the lead was actually a worse singer than Madonna (as amazing as that sounds!) however, her acting ability really made it up, whereas Madonna had NO quality whatsoever.

But I digress...Hollywood had made another musical.

And it opened today. And I went to see it.

The movie was fantastic! It was a LOT better than I thought it would be! The only issue I had was the fact that Pierce Brosnan, although a fabulous actor, CANNOT sing. He really botched up a lot of teh songs, and he really showed that he wasn't enjoying his part. To me, that shows that he is a horrible actor as a whole. If you ask me, it is not ALWAYS about hitting the right notes. I have seen MANY performances (Wicked for instance) where the actors never quite got the right note, but they still enjoyed doing what they were doing, and still moved on. Brosnan just showed a lot of stress and a lot of self-conscious issues. He should just learn how to relax & just do the best he can...

But Meryl Streep was fabulous, and I have come to the conclusion that there is NOTHING she cannot do! She can dance, belt, and sing. What an amazing actress! Christine Baranski was mighty swell, too. And so was Julie Walters, who brought in a LOT of comedy. Of course, there is Colin Firth, and another actor whose name I cannot remember. These men did not have very many singing parts, but I could tell that they were better than Brosnan.

But one person I was taken by surprise was Dominic Cooper. He can really sing! And he is *so* hot being shirtless the whole time....

The story is cheesy. The music will make you want to sing along and dance in your seat. And you'll have a smile plastered across your face the whole time.

So I give thumbs up for this movie!

And if you wish to spoil a little bit of your surprise, here are a few short clips of my favorite scenes:

DANCING QUEEN

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL

HONEY HONEY

LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME

SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS

So, I am finally coming to the term of getting over Bryan. I may only have some scars to tend to, but I know in my heart that I will become stronger and have more faith in finding the right person.

Which brings me to the next topic: Hank. Hah.

Many of you may think I might be rushing into things, but I don't think I am. I've known Hank for a while, and I'd like to have him in my life. He loves Broadway as much as I do, and enjoys going to see shows. In fact, he makes a career by being a Satellite High School drama instructor. I always smiled when he spoke of his experience with his students.

Of course, the age thing is a bit too much for me. I always dated guys around my age, and I never dated anyone further than 10 years. But Hank is 37 years old. He is 13 years older than I am.

I must sound like a prick, but I'm just not used to liking someone that much older than me. I know that age is just a number, but with age is experience & wisdom, which leads to what we have in common and what we don't. Personally, I'd like to date someone with a few things in common, but still different enough to make him interesting. However, I feel like he may be a bit TOO different, but we will see. I don't plan to drop him like a hot potato at this moment. But if I don't feel anything, then he will only be a friend.

So...hopefully this is a new chapter for me. As Betty Buckley always put it: A new day has begun.

In other news, I am excited for this weekend. "Mamma Mia!" comes out, and it has been a long-time favorite musical of mine. I never saw the show until last year at the King Center, but I always enjoyed the cast recording. This musical is fun, upbeat, and entangled with a comedic story that will warm the hearts. Not to mention, ABBA songs are included as musical numbers, and who doesn't love ABBA!? I plan to see this movie with my mother, my interpreter from BCC, and my mother's best friend. Although I don't have much faith in the men of this movie (I actually heard Pierce Brosnan's voice and it's not exactly the best thing on the planet...) but I will definitely enjoy Meryl Streep's voice!

In addition to more goodies: I will be taking a vacation for the following weekend. My deaf friends and I decided to request the time off from work to go on a 3-day trip to Islands of Adventure, Busch Gardens, and the new SeaWorld waterpark, Aquatica. I can only hope that no worries will get in the way and that nothing will beat our fun in this weekend getaway. It will just be the four of us guys, kicking back and relaxing while having fun on the rides. It will be nice because I surely can use this after over 5 years of no vacation! I cannot wait!

I took the liberty of my day off to see 2008 Summer Fine Arts' performance of "Les Miserables" at Merritt Island High.

This is by far my most favorite musical right now.

I just love it. The story, the music, the lyrics. Everything.

What an amazing show.

As the week go by, I am recovering a little better from a heart-wrenching experience on Monday.

So there I was, sitting down in Steak n Shake, playing with my phone. My thumbs and fingers were overwhelmed with nervousness, and so they must be entertained. I tweedled them by texting my friends to keep them up to date of that night. So very few knew I had agreed to give Bryan a chance, and so we made arrangements.

The waiter asked me if I wanted anything to drink. Of course, the butterflies in my tummy did dry up my throat, so I simply asked for water, to which the waiter nodded and brought me a glass. I looked at the time.

He was five minutes late. Being late on the "first" date is never a good thing, or is it? I forget. It's been so long since I've had a date.

But just as I was about to text him to make sure he was okay, Bryan walked in. His hair was short & styled in a way that was so appealing. His eyes were deep blue, and his face was clean shaven. He wore a nice, tight Versace shirt with vintage jeans and casual shoes. I smiled at this, because I couldn't believe that I had finally met someone so attractive, who could be such eye candy. He smiled back at me and came forward to our table, and sat himself down. He also asked the waiter for some water as well.

We began to order. We both ordered a salad.

As the course was being eaten, so was my heart.

It sank when Bryan first mentioned his ex, and the tone he used. Tears began to fill up my eyes as I tried to choke them down and try to mend the wounding heart...again.

For an hour and a half, he spoke of that no good ex of his. I concluded with the sorrowful thoughts that he was not yet over him and not yet ready for a relationship.

When I told him how I really felt, he began to cry a little. That really hit me. I took his hands, and told him that I thought he was a great guy, and that maybe in the later future we would meet again and be ready for a true romance. He smiled weakly, and let go of my hands. He said he was through with me giving him any more chances. I felt like I made another mistake. I felt like maybe it was not best for me to say it, but how else could I say it? I surely did not want to date someone who was not over his ex-boyfriend who abused him and treated him like he was the scum of the earth.

I was better than that. I deserved better. He deserved better, too, since he was such a nice fellow with a real good heart.

As we said goodbye, we gave each other an awkward hug and drove home.

He texted me back to apologize, and I closed my phone and left it on my car charger. I didn't want to reply to him...

The next day, he stopped by where I worked and told me he was going back to his home in Lakeland, and stopped by to pick up a few things. It boggled me, though, because Merritt Island is not exactly on the way back from Titusville to Lakeland...especially if you took 528 East.

But I just looked at him and said one last goodbye. As I left work, I texted him to see if he had made it home alright.

He didn't answer.

Nor did he answer to any of my texts after that.

However...Tuesday night, I had my recurring dream where I am in a canal swimming from one side to another, filled with alligators and sharks. I never finish this dream. But all of that changed when I dreamt that Bryan pulled me out of the water and held me in his arms and kissed me in a way that a Knight in Shining Armor would.

I woke up in a panic, sweating, and crying.

What if I had done it again? What if I had made that same mistake again?

My heart is sore from all the pain in the last few days, and I hope that it heals quickly, because I certainly do not want to spend my days at home with nothing to do but think about him.

Had it been while I was in school, perhaps my heart would heal faster. But...since I have 2 free days every week, I can't do anything but think about Bryan & the mistakes I made with him.....

Needless, to say - the BEST song about having pride in yourself ever!

I am fed up with the way people treat me for making sure that everyone's security is safe.

At work, I have these tasks to face, especially now with the economic recession we are in. I know I do them well, and yet all I get is yelled at. It's frustrating, and I'm tired of people NOT understanding what I am trying to do, even after explaining the situation to them!

Here are a few examples:

CREDIT CARDS.

This is a big thing. I am surprised at how careless people are with their credit cards. I always appreciate a cashier when he/she asks me for my ID to make sure it is my card. I know it is a pain to take 3 seconds to get it out of your wallet, but I actually feel more comfortable making sure it is your card. Here's the deal on them. I was pumping gas a few weeks ago, and I realized on my receipt that the card used to pay my gas was NOT the same as my credit card. Fortunately, being the honest American I am, I went to the cashier and asked her to put it on my card, which she did. Apparently, I did research on-line and these machines that you swipe your cards through are not as precise as you think it is. They still have some faulties. One is being that sometimes the credit card used in a previous transaction freezes in place, and will be used again in the next transaction even if the next card was swiped. I'm not sure if this is a conspiracy that is fixed by the government or credit card companies, or if it's just a technical malfunction from relying on computers so much. So as a result, I check the last 4 digits of the credit card to the 4 digits on the computer used to swipe the card. Another thing is, if your signature is not on the back of the card, I check your ID. Sorry if that really pisses you off, but honestly...you SHOULD be damn grateful that I check because how would you like it if someone stole your card & used it and the bank demands your money? It's ridiculous how people get so pissed off over this.

COUNTERFEITS.

It is my job as a cashier to check all 20, 50, and 100 dollar bills to check for counterfeits. I don't care where you get it from, I don't care if you're the damn Pope, I WILL check your 20s, 50s, & 100s. If I don't, I can get fired.

MEASUREMENTS & WEIGHTS.

At Publix, I had to weight fruits & vegetables. A lot of customers try to blame me for overcharging them by pressing on the scales. Honestly, the scale is not that hard to not notice. You can see if I am pressing anything down on it, and I can assure you that the cameras around the checkout lanes do not lie. As for Home Depot, we are required to measure moldings and other things. We measure by the inches so that we can sell by the foot. If your molding is measured at 4 feet and a half inch, it will be measured as 4.6 (4 feet & 6 inches). I guarantee you that I know my math skills, and that I can add. It is not that hard.

INVENTORY.

Here's another one that really pisses customers off. The company I work for now requires all cashiers to scan each & every item. We have to do this to make sure our inventory in stock are accurate. If they are not, we get punished for it. They cut our hours, make smaller pay raises, and change our benefits. Trust me, it is annoying for us to scan each & every item, but I'd rather be fair to both my co-workers & the company to make sure that the inventory is correct.

What has happened to retail these days? Why are people so damn mean about stupid things like checking IDs or scanning each & every item? We have no control over it. I have to do what I am told, or otherwise I would be out of a job. It may sound selfish to you, but I actually care more about myself than you. I don't care what you need, what you want, what you care for. I just need to do my job to survive in this world.

Life is a bitch. Get used to it.

But seriously, appreciate the fact that what I am trying to do is make sure our economy as a whole is safe & secured, even if it adds a couple of minutes to our time at the checkout lines.

I am sick of customer service. It does nothing but cause pain in the asses.

In the months of January through March, I was communicating with this boy in Lakeland. In the cyberworld, he seemed so perfect for me. We both had a strong passion for Broadway, and could go on for HOURS discussing it. We also had same political beliefs, same taste in music, art, food/cruisines, and so many other traits. We ended up not being able to spend a day without at least texting each other whenever we had a chance, and after our day, we would end up staying up until 3 in the morning just talking on the Internet.

This was probably the best relationship I had ever had with someone. I felt like I could tell him ANYTHING, and he would never hold it against me. He felt the same, and we could tell each other our flaws & perfections.

Suddenly, out of the blue, he told me that his ex-boyfriend had wanted him back. The ex left Bryan (note, I changed his name to protect the innocent) when he was caught sleeping in his car with alcohol on his breath. Bryan did drink a lot, but he never drove. However, law has it stated that if a cop finds you in a car with alcohol levels in your blood, then there is NO excuse that you can use to get away with it. He was slammed in jail and had his license taken away.

To me, that's a terrible ex. A good boyfriend would help him and be there for him, no matter what. At least that's what I believe. When he told me the story, my heart really went out to him. I had told him what I thought of him, and that he was making a mistake for taking him back.

But he wouldn't accept that fact, and ended it there.

NOW, nearly 4 months after he blocked me from all forms of communication, he had decided to text me today, telling me he was in town for a business meeting and wanted to meet.

Instantly, my instincts told me to give him a second chance. That maybe, JUST MAYBE, he had learned his mistake and realized how much I am worthy or how much of a better person I am to have as a boyfriend or even a friend. But at the same time, my heart & guts are telling me that I would just end up getting hurt again.

I have asked two of my dearest friends for advice, and they both told me to go out with him, but maintain a distance, to not allow him get to my emotions.

But can I handle that? After Bryan, I've been clingy towards 3 other men, all of which were very unsuccessful. I was hurt again, 3 times, and I know for a fact that if one of those assholes would come back to me, I would cave in to them in a matter of seconds.

So, since I have thought Bryan as Mr. Right, Mr. Perfect...I just know I'll let my defenses down.

So what do I do?
What should I do?

I replied to his message that I would think about it...

But what should I do?

I wish I could find some sign to tell me that this would be either successful or not...

Today, justice is supposedly going to happen for the family of the Rios-Martinez.

In 1991, Junny Rios-Martinez was raped & murdered by Mark Dean Schwab. In a series of trials, he was found guilty. In another series, he received a death sentence by request of the family & friends.

My thought is this: how can you send someone to his/her death?

I can understand the gravity of losing a loved one to rape & murder. I have had friends who were murdered simply because they were gay, or friends who were raped. But do I wish death upon those who pursued it? No. I cannot imagine putting myself in that position. I cannot imagine sending someone his/her grave simply right out of grief. I am not saying that murderers, rapists, and child molesters can get away for free, though. I do believe in life-long sentences in prison without any chances of paroles.

The whole idea of capital punishment has a great affect on me since 1997, when Matthew Shepard was murdered. I was in 8th grade at the time, and I was on the course of finding my own sexuality. This news terrified me and I was forced to keep myself in the closet. But watching the trials and reading the news, I was fascinated with the power of civilians, because they were able to tell others they "deserve" death for their wrongdoings. I believe that people do have a reason for these things, whether it's psychological instability or just abusing that power of taking someone else's life in their hands. But fortunately, the family of Matthew gave the prosecutors life instead of death.

HOWEVER, I do not agree that, in the years to follow, those two men who committed murder should get a parole. It's possible that it will happen again. History repeats itself, you know.

In addition, my mother & I had the opportunity to discuss about her experience of being on a capital murder trial in 1994 or 1995. She described it as a form of torture. She was handling the life of a man who was found guilty in an assistance of murdering two children. Every time the jury voted on the sentence, she put down "life in prison," rather than death. In the end, the man did get life in prison, but she was emotionally exhausted from all the trials & hardships of knowing that this man's life was in her hands.

But the whole idea of having the control to put someone to death just...petrifies me. I couldn't have that on my conscience. I couldn't have the idea that every day for the rest of my life I sent someone to death just out of revenge & anger & grief...it just doesn't seem right to me.

The only way I believe in killing someone is through self-defense.

But we live in a country where we demand everything in our own powers, and that's what makes this country such a terrible place to live. People abuse those powers out of greed, revenge, or grief. It's sad.

But I suppose that's the disadvantage of freedom as well...

So to sum this up, I think Schwab would be better off in getting a prison for life sentence. What can you learn from death? I think it is better to live on a guilt conscience if he has any. And will killing that person ever make the pain go away? No. Will killing him ever bring back the child? No. It doesn't solve anything, period.

And that's why I don't believe in death sentences.