These Are the Thoughts...

I am not writing this as a Democrat. I am not writing this as a Republican. Nor am I writing this as a white person, or a hard of hearing person. I am writing this as an AMERICAN.

I know we all have our differences. I know we agree on one thing, and disagree on the other. But that is not what this is about. What this is about is the opportunities we have as an American. This country has been established to offer land of the free, where opportunities are made for everyone if they put their minds to it, and where anything can happen.

And tonight, it did.

I just witnessed a whole year of major historical events. In the entire two-hundred and thirty-two years, this great nation of ours has witnessed so many obstacles beaten and the roads less traveled.

Hillary Rodham Clinton has come a long way, from receiving the title as the First Lady of the United States of America. After her husband ended his 8 years of presidency, she went on to become a Senator of New York. There, she worked hard to build her strength to become the first female candidate to debate for presidency.

In addition, we saw an African-American rise from the senator's seats to become the first African-American to win the nomination of being a candidate for President of the United States of America. And let's not forget the fact that the first female candidate gave her votes to him. She gave up her dreams of being the first female president to allow the first African-American to be president. What an amazing motion!

This is why I love this country. No matter who we are, what our skin color is, what ethnicity we belong to, we all have the opportunity to be who we want to be if we work at it.

I am so proud of all the great outcomes we have seen in this year's presidential campaigns. And I urge you, friends & family, as AMERICANS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, to let this sink in. I want each and every one of you to stop and think about this.

If it wasn't for the women who took a step forward to fight against the power of men for equality, your mothers, sisters, friends, daughters, granddaughters would never get to witness Hillary take a stride. If it wasn't for Martin Luther King Jr. (who actually spoke on the exact same day that Barack Obama gave his acceptance speech) expressing his dream on that beautiful day at the Lincoln Memorial, or for those who have fought for freedom from slavery, African-Americans would never get the chance to see Barack Obama accept his nomination.

This is what America is about. This is what our country is here for - to give us everything we want while working hard for it. It doesn't matter if you are a Republican, Democrat, black, white, gay, straight, Muslim, Christian. What matters is YOU and YOURSELF. Hillary worked hard as the First Lady, and Barack worked hard as a Senator. But they did not JUST get there. They got there with decades of hard work, years of education, and years of putting all of their mighty efforts into themselves.

And that is why I'm proud to be an American.

With them, I know that I can do anything I want if I put myself into it. I know I can go far with my dreams if I want it bad enough.

And I encourage you to do the same.

May this country always be blessed with its people and their drive to achieve their dreams!

What an amazing night!

The Democratic party has finally and officially nominated Senator Barack Obama to be the party's candidate running for President of the United States of America! For the first time ever, in the 232 years ever since this country began, an African-American has been nominated to run for President.

I cannot describe how deeply honored I am to see this historical event happening. It is such an overwhelming and emotional ride. The last three nights have put tears in my eyes as I listen to Michelle Obama, Senator Hillary Clinton, and Joe Biden speak in the Obama's honor. Though Clinton's & Biden's speeches were mostly what Obama stands for, it was his wife's speech who won the heart of mine.

Her speech described her life as an American, as a child in the US, and as a devoted wife & mother for her family. She described the whole reason to vote for Obama, which pretty much sums up to having equality for all of us here in the US, to be able to achieve the American dream while still having the love of family to warm us and keep us driven. I urge everyone (even those who aren't Americans) to read her speech. It is so moving, so humanistic, so heart-warming. I was in tears only half-way through the speech and by the time she finished, I was bawling my eyes out. What an amazing speech that was!

So now the real work begins. My life from now on will be total chaos as I volunteered to work for Obama's local campaign office. I will be urging young Americans to register to vote, helping them decide their choice to elect (hopefully Obama, but if necessary, McCain), and to keep America open-minded about having a black President. So many people waste so much of their time with rumors, lies, and other so-called truths about Obama that they steer to McCain. Sometimes we get them back, sometimes we don't.

But overall, what an AMAZING week this has been for the Democrats! I cannot wait until tomorrow to watch the Senator accept his speech!

It isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I joined Florida for Change a couple weeks ago. It is a campaign for Barack Obama to run as the new President of the United States of America. I am very enthusiastic to have Obama and Biden in office, and I thought I was willing to do anything to make sure it happens.

But now...I can see how this is such a pain in the ass, and I don't even get paid for it. I'm wondering if it is worth my time anymore. It would be very nice to see a change in America (not only because Obama is black but because the fact that the Bush Administration would end once and for all), but I am getting to the point where I am about to scream my head off. Today I went to the beaches to gather new people to register to vote. In four hours of getting sunburnt, salt in my eyes, skin, and mouth, I only got 2 people to register to vote. Yesterday I did the same, only it was at the mall, and only 1 person registered to vote. And tomorrow, I have to be at the office at 9AM in the morning to do some data entry and then head to work at 2PM. I haven't even had any chances of getting my homework done, and I need to do that because if I don't I'll get behind and I'll lose hope in finishing a fucking community college.

All this burden of trying to get 2 people into the White House is not as easy, and the more I work on it, the more I lose the drive to do it. I just don't know what to do. I made a commitment by joining and now I feel like I had made a mistake. And I feel bad, because these people are really nice people and they really want Obama to win. I do too, but I do have a life of my own to live and I need to have fun.

What should I do??? I suppose I could just tell them that it was taking up too much of my school time, and that I really needed to focus in school and work so I can pay my bills while still getting good grades. But that would make me seem like I don't have the desire of getting Obama in office....and that is making me feel like a bad person.

Maybe I should just explain to Sean and Becky how overwhelmed I feel and perhaps should only limit myself to either getting people to vote or data entry only instead of doing both. I'll have to wait and see how tomorrow goes. Maybe data entry isn't as bad as it sounds. And besides, I'm good with computers...

But I should definitely cut myself some slack and really focus on what is more important in my life...

I have never been fond of public bathrooms. It scares me to even think about it. Whenever I really have to, and I mean REALLY have to, I'll use it. And I use the stalls, not the urinals. Having my privates out in the open for other men to see is quite a bit far fetched. It isn't my ego or my self-conscious. It's my opinion of keeping things to yourself and how things should be more privates. Unfortunately, today, this was an exception.

I got called in early. The store was running with customers hurrying to buy things they need to repair their homes after the last storm hit. To add the whip cream with a cherry to the top of the sundae, we were shorthanded. So not only was it busy, but it was really stressful. And when I get stressful, I need to potty. I'm not sure if this is a healthy condition or if it is an absurd condition, but either way, I had to pee.

The clock came around for me to go on my half hour lunch. Rather than peeing first, I decided to hold it in and eat first. After getting full, I went to the bathroom.

I entered the stall, and did my business. I walked out of the stall when I heard the oily door hinges squeak. In came a young, pudgy fellow. He must have been around my age, with a stubble on his cheek. He wasn't so bad looking, but I knew he was definitely not my type. I ignored him and put my hands under the sink to wash them. I looked in the mirror to notice any food crumbs stuck in my teeth or around my lips. That's when I saw him again. The pudgy fellow. He stood next to me. Then he unzipped his pants and whipped out his penis.

I was in a state of shock. This was random. Definitely not my typical trip to a public restroom! I'm usually in and then out. Never have I even glanced against one's privates. As I said earlier, it should be more private than anything! But no...he stood there, holding it. I blinked. What was this idiot doing!? I looked at him. He didn't smile or frown. He looked quite bored, actually. Was this actually turning him on? Was this some kind of fetish that he has had? What the hell was going on? I didn't know what to do or think!

I turned around, grabbed a paper towel and walked out. Drying my hands with the paper towels, I began to chuckle. Though he did have a nice willy, large & clean, he was still extremely unattractive to flash me.

What a wonderful bathroom trip that turned out to be...not!

This storm I am in the middle of sucks. Not only was I wrong about the projected paths, but I was also wrong about the fact that it formed an eye over land instead of water. In addition, yesterday it hovered over Brevard County for over 24 hours, gaining strength to flood many parts of the community I live in. My backyard was flooded by nightfall yesterday, but the waters receded this morning, thankfully. The sewers on my street are flooded as well, and water continue to pour out of the lids.

Many of my friends & co-workers are trapped and cannot get out. One is actually stuck in his apartment building because the water rose up into the complex. My boss's car is underwater, my neighbor's pool flooded into their kitchen, and my fence is about to fall over.

ALSO...

Yesterday morning, at 5:15AM, I was driving to work (yes, WORK CALLED AND TOLD ME TO COME IN) and my car skidded into the other lane as I fought against winds. When I got to the parking lot, an alligator was sitting in front of the store, ready to eat me. The animal control came to move it back into the river. On the way back home, a palm frond hit my car and I had to go under 2 lights that were hanging on for dear life. In addition, we have a hole in our roof, and the rain is leaking into the wall and out of the wall base and the carpet is soaking it up. Great. Another year of getting rid of mold.

How horrid. I hate this storm.

I woke up at 2:20AM with a sudden urge.

It was strange. I'd never had this in 2 years. I felt the urge to write.

So here are a couple of poems I've written in the last 2 hours. Enjoy.

IS IT OKAY TO LAUGH YET?

First you were a part of it,
Pushing the limits.
You idolized the cutting edge out of me.
You dove into pure ripped pleasure.

You descended into evil,
My passion.
The voice you never heard,
All sugar and no spice.
Chiseled and ripped,
It became a part of you.

You connected the civilized
steel nerves to the elements of my style.

Then...
You died.

Is it okay to laugh yet?

Scissors and Shears

Yes, you are the type.
The razor sharp dreamer.
The outrageous beast who repels comfort.
You are cool and shiny.
But those are accessories to pump up your look.
Then your contributing words strikes,
Slicing away my heart.
The burning sensation reigns
And I cannot escape to tomorrow's address,
which is the only antidote.

Now the only way to heal
is to slip into deep sleep
And vision a life that will never be embraceable again.

If Only

If only I could stop looking at myself in this mirror.
The reflection is fake, a pseudo apparition.
The sullen look of loneliness,
The obvious pain of misery,
And the desire to be something else.

If only I could be honest,
To heal my heart & soul -
To clean myself out of this life,
To regain all that has been lost,
To have the ability to morph.

If only I could change,
The whole dark side of me -
To renew myself,
To progress into something better,
To try a new life.

If only...

Do you ever have those moments where you have a crush on someone for a long, long time (say 3, 4 years) and then you finally admit it to him only to find out that you are not his type?

I feel like an idiot right now, and embarrassed. I think I will crawl into a hole & die.

I think this is pretty much needs no explanation to the reason why I posted this.

But WHAT THE FUCK?

I wonder if this would be any good....or at least a bit interesting! Hm....

Sometimes, I'm not quite fond of cabarets (well, except for the Broadway musical), but I am intrigued by them because of the one thing they offer: a chance to discover new talents.

And I suppose that's what happened with Scott Alan. Though he is not a major hit right now, he is still succeeding in show business with his small musicals and music. I bought an iTunes CD which compiled his best work, and one of the songs is something I truly fell in love with.

It's called "Never Never Land (Fly Away)", and it's such a beautiful piece. It is somber, yet hopeful. I just really enjoy listening to it over and over.

And to add the cherry & whip cream to the sundae, the chosen one to sing this song is Stephanie J. Block! Her voice is BEAUTIFUL, and she is one of the most amazing musical actress to ever walk on the face of the planet.

She has starred in a few Broadway productions, but her name didn't get any credit until she starred as Liza Minnelli in "The Boy From Oz," a musical based on the life & music of Peter Allen. I've also came across her path whne I saw Wicked in Tampa in the year of 2006. Stephanie played Elphaba, and every song she sang was perfection. What an amazing performer.

But back to the point, what an amazing songwriter, and what a song. It brings tears to me eyes every time.

When I was on Adam4Adam.com today, I just realized something startling. When I first joined the site 2 years ago, mostly just older men were into me. I was 22 at the time. Most of the messages I received were from men over the age of 30, and they were mostly just for a hookup. Very, very, very rarely did I ever get a message from anyone my age at the time. If I did, it would be from someone who had seen me at work, school, or a bar. They would say nothing more than "I've seen you here/there before." When I would try to message them back, they would never respond or read the message.

However, 2 years later, with an updated profile & picture, I seem to be getting less and less messages from older men. Which defines the fact that this area I live in is full of pedophiles or older men who just like to go after younger men. But to my surprise, I find that more younger people, ages from 19-22, are interested in getting to know me in an old-fashioned way than a quickie.

So to sum it all up:

When I was 22, older men were into me, and younger men were into only themselves or nobody else. But as I progressed to 24, younger men are interested in having an intellectual conversation with me while older men give up trying to convince me to sleep with them.

That's just my thoughts for this night. Now I am off to la-la land. Cheers.