I'm drenched with fear.
Fear of being alone, that is.
With a new love life developing, I fear it will last. I fear it won't. I fear the unknown. I don't like this feeling - the obsession of knowing if he is thinking of me of if he isn't. I know I can't stop thinking about him, so I must like him. A lot. It's been a while since I've felt this way, anyway.
But how do I know what he's feeling? Only sweet thing he's ever said to me was he's been thinking about me a lot. But that was 3 days ago. He only talks to me when I talk to him. He never starts the conversation. He doesn't even say "hello." Which is why today, I didn't text him at all. Tomorrow, I won't either. I won't talk to him until he talks to me.
IN addition, we have the distance. He lives 3 hours away. Granted, I would do anything to make this work. God knows, that's how much I like him. I want to see where this goes. I think he may be the one. Now, I'm not saying I want to rush things. I'm just saying he MIGHT be. You just never know until you try. Like the great Jonathan Larson says, "Forget regret or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way, no day but today."
If he doesn't respond in a week or so, then I will confront him calmly. So we'll see in a week.
Of course, it's not just the relationships. It's friendships.
A dear friend of mine is getting married...to someone in London. While I live in the States, I know I will miss her if she decides to move. Another friend is considering of taking a job opportunity in Houston, Texas. It's almost halfway across the country from where I live. To add the cream of the crop, THREE more of my friends are moving to start a new career.
Now, I love them all. I really do want them to do this. They deserve it. But I'm just plagued with the idea of having no one here to talk to, no one here to han gout with, no one here to cry, laugh, and sing with. I'm just going to feel lost. And I hate that feeling...
*sighs*
